Saturday, 4 February 2012
DAZ #10: "In The Darkness... A Light!"
(Into the black.)
Welcome to Drone R-II's Powerpoint presentation on Alison Blaire, AKA "Dazzler". During this presentation, please refrain from smoking, drinking, or consuming entire planets along with their inhabitants.
We can skip over most of this talk, actually, since we're already up on Dazzler's history. One slide's worth noting, though:
I would dearly like to know how one calculates a person's "confrontational quotient" and "dysfunction potential", and how high Daz is scoring in either case.
(Also, what the Hell is going on with her shoulders up there? There's no way those three pictures are of the same person unless her clavicles are attached to her spine like curtains on a rail.)
Galactus listens patiently to his drone's lecture, and concludes his minion is correct. It's time to pay Earth another visit.
Back on the slopes of Mt Athena, Dazzler has done a runner before the Feds can either recapture her or get their faces burned off by her now-uncontrollable power. Unfortunately, the combination of the epic destruction in her wake and the near-blinding brilliance of her body make tracking her an embarrassingly simple task, and Quasar catches up with her within minutes. Alas, Galactus gets there first, and no amount of "limitless energy... from distant quasi-stellar bodies" (I never knew that's what quasar was short for - who says comics ain't edookashionul?) can stop Dazzler's abduction.
Drone R-II stands ready to receive Alison (I guess Drone C-III is busy employing one of his over six million forms of cowering in a corner), and tells her first that she's been brought here by a transport beam packed with tranquilisers to calm her down, and second that Galactus wants a word with her, which you'd think would counteract the sleepy-ray, quick-sharp.
Dazzler can't understand what Galactus could want with her, and decides to go find him and get some answers. Upon reaching his inner sanctum, however, she finds herself entirely unable to gain his attention. Fortunately, of course, she was granted phenomenal cosmic power back when she accidentally killed that guy that time, so she's confident that she can disrupt Galactus' reverie by shooting him in the spine. Points for chutzpah, I guess, but I'm definitely starting to think R-II has underestimated Alison's dysfunction quotient. "I don't see how things could get any worse!", she tells her robot buddy. Here's a clue, Daz: Galactus hasn't yet killed you instantly. Not that it matters in the end, even when Galactus finally feels her blasts, he merely asks R-II why he's being disturbed by a mortal "flee."
It seems Galactus is feeling rather sorry for himself. Frankly, I'd have more sympathy for him if he hadn't already told R-II that there's no point in feeling sorry for the billions of people Galactus chomps through every few weeks). Turns out, I don't get a vote, though, because...
Welcome to Galactus' Powerpoint presentation on his own history. During this presentation, please refrain from smoking, drinking, or repeatedly shooting the speaker with lasers whilst he's trying to get some work done. Long story short: all of Galactus' heralds have been men of principle, who ultimately rebelled out of distaste for his interstellar rampage of genocide, so this time he chose Terrax the Tamer, an unprincipled, hard-hearted villainous bastard, only to learn that those guys are pretty experienced in sneaky treachery as well. Terrax tried using his Herald powers to rule over an entire planet, and when Galactus found out, the Tamer fled into a black hole to escape his master's wrath (as well as, you know, every fucking thing else).
This, we learn, is why Dazzler is here: Galactus wants her to retrieve his former herald from the black hole. Because, I swear to God, her light can defeat the "dimension of anti-light" that a black hole apparently is. To think I complained about lightning in space. Alison meekly follows R-II to the other end of the ship - perhaps a surprising move, given that a few pages earlier she was willing to blast Galactus in the back purely because she was too small to tap him on the shoulder - and is locked into some kind of chamber. There, she's bombarded with sound, super-charging her powers.
The resulting flow of energy oscillates between breaking her mind, and bringing her to photogasm, but she manages to keep her head and keep her clothes on. She's also now powerful enough to be worthy of Galactus' attention, although his mission briefing basically amounts to "I'm tying you to my ship and chucking you into a black hole - try not to die." Once inside said celestial phenomenon, Dazzler finds Terrax almost immediately, but he's not particularly happy to receive visitors, especially those sent by Galactus. His first move is to cut through Alison's life-line, and it looks a great deal like stage two is going to involve him stabbing her to death...
This issue begins a few minutes after Dazzler's escape from Project PEGASUS, and takes place over the course of an hour or two.
Thursday 19th of January, 1983.
The Apple Lisa is released. Due to its high price, the Lisa was not particularly popular, though NASA was a big customer, leading to problems when Lisa was discontinued.
"The only honor I want is a gold record!" - Dazzler refuses to be grateful for the chance to die horribly as an enforced favour to Galactus.
 See what they did there?