DAZ #34: "Where Have All The Models Gone?"

(The beautiful people.)

Comments

Out there, in the wilds of LA, where a man can walk for days without sight of unbottled water or a shelter from the buzzing swarms of the self-important, models are beginning to disappear in flashes of light, and what's stranger still, there's no obvious tawdry sexual element to the crimes.  Where, we are asked, have all the models gone.

Elsewhere in the City of Angels, Alison Blaire has decided to become a model, because her remarkably extensive skill set is matched only by her disastrous sense of timing.  Not that skills are particularly required here, by the way.  Alison makes that very clear.  Why, modelling is so easy she can do it whilst sat on a chair, photographing herself.  Photography is easy too, you see.  One might be tempted to point out a comic ostensibly more about domestic concerns than others in the Marvel Universe might want to make Dazzler's professional struggles about her own limitations and the general difficulties of life, rather than constant run-ins with murderers and kidnappers, but she does get to spend more time than usual in her underwear, so it's not like the mission statement of the book is entirely ignored.

(It also gives Alison a chance to create her own dark room, which she then bathes with wan red light using her power set, which is actually quite a nice idea; I'm not sure I'd ever have thought of that).

Sure enough, the agency Dazzler sends her amateur snaps to - which is run by Millie the Model, who clearly hasn't completely retired from the biz since the end of her astonishing twenty-eight year comic series a decade earlier - snap her up, and Alison finds herself awaiting an audience with Ms. The Model herself in the latter's offices.  Also present: long-time adversary of Millie, Chili Storm (here misspelled as "Chilie", or perhaps she's simply changed her name in order to remain FRESH and WITH IT and NOW), who tries to scare Dazzler off.  But nothing doing!  If anything's going to scare Alison away, it'll be the mysterious disappearances of all those models, and she doesn't care about that at all!  Even a bit!  For some reason!

With her portfolio re-shot by someone who actually knows what they're doing (like that's in any way hard, apparently), Alison goes job-hunting, and by her fourth interview she's in a show, along with Janet, who came up with this idea for a career change in the first place.  A few days later, they both get a chance to meet their new temporary boss, Doug Scruggs, the man behind the Scruggs/Huggs line the girls will model (one presumes these are not the sackcloth adult diapers the name evokes).  Scruggs is grateful no-one is mentioning this, and still more grateful that Millie's provided such talent for his use, and not that of his arch nemesis Tom Devine.

An arch nemesis?  Disappearing models?  This is regular three-pipe problem and no mistake.  Maybe it's that Chili Storm, our heroine thinks.  Why else has she shown up to the show despite not having been hired?  It certainly can't be because she's obviously kinda desperate.  Besides, there's that suspicious business card dropped suspiciously close to where Storm is suspiciously standing!

"REVENGE INC", the card informs us imperiously.  "YOU GET MAD... WE GET EVEN!"  This is clearly not the sort of business Congressmen would be willing to refer to as "reputable".  Indeed, it strikes one as being nothing more than a  retread of the infamous Murder Inc., only with additional options tacked on for the faint of heart.  Good thinking, Revenge Inc!  Overspecialisation was what eventually did for The Mad Hatter.  Well, that and Abe Reles.

There's no time for Alison to get on with her trademark brand of sleuthing (sulk self-pityingly, happen to overhear incriminating phone-call, win), though.  The show must go on!  And it does!  For several seconds, anyway, at which point the models start dropping out of reality like flies that also drop out of reality (if only they all could, the shit-encrusted nightmare-buzzers).  Dazzler has just enough time to grab ahold of Chili -who still won't take the hint and piss off, apparently - and accuse her of being responsible, when the two of them disappear as well.

Fortunately Dazzler reappears in her underwear amidst friends, by which I mean Janet and the other models.  They've been placed in a jail cell ("It's so dark here! My eyes are only now beginning to adjust to the darkness.  But even in the dark I knew I was in some kind of prison!")  though at least judging by their companions they can expect to be given more clothes at some point.

They also get a visit from the mastermind of the entire operation: Tom Devine! Another example of what can only be inelegantly referred to as Chekov's C***.  Devine's motivations are utterly barking even by comic book standards; he's horrified that his former protege Scrubbs is doing such massive business whilst he remains critically and commercially ignored, so he's decided to take all the money he somehow has despite being a failure and sink it into Revenge Inc., who have used the money to create a teleportation device which could make everyone involved into trillionaires, which they're using to steal every model Scrubbs hires (how Millie failed to make this connection goes unexplained), sure that without models to showcase his clothes, Scrubbs will be history.  Devine can then step into the breach using the same models he kidnapped and confessed to who he's now clad in his own clothes, which are, according to the models, awful anyway.

Fucking hell, I love this book.

Unwilling to wait around for Devine's big reveal, Alison waits until their captor has departed, and then lasers the door to the cell open (pretending to have worked through the bolt with a nail file, which the assembled examples of alleged physical perfection let slide without much comment), and they overrun Devine's legitimately baffled staff, with the arch-architect of arch-misery himself being laid out by a punch from Chili, the kidnap victim of my kidnapper being my friend, as I think we can all agree.  It's nice when these issues have a real moral message to impart.

The next day, Alison quits Millie's Models, having apparently decided not just that the best time to join something is during a spate of mysterious disappearances, but the best time to quit it is just after you've stopped the disappearances for good.  Still, clearly being a model is a dangerous business.  It's not like being a dancer almost got her buried alive, or being a singer almost got her killed in a plane crash.

But is Alison out of the woods yet?  If there's one thing you can be pretty sure of, after all, it's that a company named Revenge Inc. isn't likely to respond to interference with a policy based on "forgive and forget"...

Clues

This issue starts during another of Alison's Thursday aerobics classes, and takes place over approximately three weeks.

Date

Thursday 8^th to Wednesday 28^th March, 1984.

X-Date

X+6Y+7 to X+6Y+27.

Contemporary Events

A Ulster Volunteer Force attack leaves Gerry Adams and three others seriously injured.

Standout Line

"But our clothes? They're not the same ones we were wearing when we vanished! Some of them are even polyester!!"

Once again, Dazzler faces a fate worse than death.

DAZ #33: "Chiller!"

("Without the soul for getting down...")

Comments

"Chiller!" is another example of the new direction Dazzler has taken, where encounters with Marvel A listers or even super-powered villains are becoming less common, with the title exploring instead how Alison's mutant status and powers informs and interacts with what would otherwise be an entirely... well, not normal life, but pretty much physically possible.  Last issue was certainly superpower themed, but other than that there's been nothing but a rampaging purple dinosaur to spice things up since the end of issue #28.

We rejoin Dazzler more or less where we left her; trying to keep her new job as an aerobics instructor whilst periodically attempting to re-start her music career.  Apparently she also takes time out now and then to see a movie, though apparently she's not much of a horror fan, fleeing "Bloody Mary" (alas, not a real film) the instant things get dicey.

The horror film angle will unsurprisingly become important later, so we'll come back to it. After walking out of the cinema, Dazzler's found herself at a loose end, so she quickly accepts an invitation from her womanising agent Roman Nekoboh to attend a swanky LA party.  The plan is for her to schmooze with as many of the great and good as possible, hoping to find inroads on a project or two, but for some reason Roman won't let her talk to one gentlemen in particular; noted film director Bob Benson.  Bob directed the film Dazzler only just ran out of, but even after she blurts this out, he wants her to audition for a music video he's putting together.  Hmm.  Music video? Zombies?  Rhymes with "Chiller"?  What on Earth are we referencing here?

Roman is far from happy about the idea of Alison working with Benson.  Given his earlier behaviour, there's every chance this is just jealousy, but he insists Benson isn't nearly so careful with his talent's well-being as he should be.  I thought that's the sort of thing unions were supposed to jump on? Then again, whomever looks out for bit-part dancers in LA probably doesn't have quite the muscle you'd see from SAG.  Maybe it's all academic anyway, because just after Benson leaves the party, his car explodes.

Except somehow he survives it.  Indeed, he's several metres away, amongst the undergrowth, when Alison finds him without a mark on him.  Hmm...

The next day, Alison is too busy scanning the papers for her name and hoping Benson still wants her as a dancer to wonder about how Benson's "curse" can generate such significant geographical irregularities.  Fortunately for her (in the short term), the gig is still on, so Alison shows up, gets the gig after a five-second audition,  and the next day gets a zombie makeover, ready for the shoot.

By this point Dazzler is finally beginning to smell a rat: dance auditions usually last longer than a strong sneeze, and also there's the little matter of Benson disappearing to make a phone call about a disaster on set that hasn't actually happened yet.  Curious, Alison decides to play along, to see what Benson is planning.

Actually, what Benson's planning is utterly, inescapably ridiculous. He wants all the dancers to be buried alive on set so that they can rise up and threaten Lingard as he does his "pelvis thing" along a nearby road.  Alison, however, is to be secretly buried without a breathing tube, so that she suffocates, and Bob can get another hit of publicity as his "curse" claims another victim.  That's... a rather strange plan to begin with, to say the least, but what rises it to the level of batshit lunacy is the idea that neither the guy shoveling dirt onto Dazzler's head, nor Dazzler herself, will notice the lack of feeding tube whilst the burial is ongoing.  I'll admit that I've never been buried alive, but I'm confident suggesting ensuring access to oxygen is something one would do prior to saying goodbye to daylight.

Benson plan somehow works, though, at least to begin with.  Perhaps he bribed the stage hand he intends to kill Dazzler, and Dazzler herself simply uses a tiny laser to create her own breathing hole once everyone's backs are turned.  Once Benson's had enough time to believe she's dead, though, he starts the scene, pretends to be concerned when Alison fails to rise from the dead, and heads over to check up on what's going on.

Which, of course, is when Alison thrusts her hand through the dirt she's already weakened with her lasers, and grabs the guy's leg. Nothing beats the classics.

Terrified by the possibility that the girl he wanted to pretend to be the living dead might not be pretending to  the living dead, Benson flees, and when Dazzler rises and chases after her, he breaks down and confesses to trying to kill her, and blowing up his own car, all in front of the news crews he himself had tipped off would gt to see something noteworthy at the video shoot.  Ooh, the irony.

With Benson led away by the cops, everything is right with the world.  Except, of course, for Dazzler not getting paid.  It's always the little things, isn't it...

Clues

This story takes place over three days.  On the second day Dazzler's calendar is clearly open on March.  That's something of a hefty leap forward time-wise, but Dazzler's recent (comparative) job stability means it's not unreasonable.  We'll set this story as early as we can, though, bridging the end of February and the start of March.

Date

Wednesday 29^th February to Friday 2^nd March, 1984.

X-Date

X+5Y+365 to X+6Y+1.

Contemporary Events

Canadian premiere and sometime Alpha Flight guest star Pierre Trudeau announces his retirement.

American actor Jackie Coogan passes away.  On-screen, he was probably best known as Uncle Fester in the original iteration of The Addams Family, but arguably he made a bigger contribution to American screen acting by suing his parents over their squandering of the money he earned as a child actor, a court case that led to the Coogan Act, the first ever legal protection for the earnings of child actors.

Standout Line

"I like your work and I like to think that you like my work like I like your work." - Teddy Lingard.

DAZ #32: "Moon Lighting"

(Just look what it did to Cybill Shepherd.)

Comments

Let's take a break from watching half the Marvel Universe punch each other in the face, and take a look at what Dazzler's up to.

This is a hand-off issue, as Jim Shooter departs the title to dedicate himself full time to calling curvy women "bloated" and shouting at people to hand in their pages on time.  I don't recall reading anything by Mike Carlin before, so I'm not sure what to expect, but this issue is both less intense than Shooter's last issue (the surprisingly emotionally draining "Tidal Wave") and a bit less funny than Shooter was in general.

Since we last saw Dazzler, it transpires that she's gotten a job as an aerobics instructor, perhaps misinterpreting Olivia Newton-John's "Physical" as career advice for young starlets.  At least it's a steady wage, if nothing else.  Alas, her other life once again intrudes when the Inhumans teleport in mid-session, desperate for Alison's help.  Somewhat worried about her cash flow, our heroine turns Medusa down, even after the Inhuman Queen points out that Dazzler is only still alive to sweat through her leotard because Black Bolt saved her life less than a year before.  Clearly despicable self-absorption is a trait that's survived the authorial hand-off.

Once Alison has finished the class and had coffee with a friend, however, she bumps into Medusa and Lockjaw again - apparently the terrible crisis affecting Attilan isn't so serious there's no time for window shopping - and finally Dazzler relents because, hey, free trip to the moon.

Of course, this may not be the best time to plan a lunar holiday - why else would the Inhumans have asked for help in the first place?  It turns out there's a giant field of impenetrable darkness marching across the moon's surface, heading straight for the Blue Area, and Black Bolt wants Alison to use her powers to work out what's going on.  Apparently Dazzler has been interrupted in her official job so that she can spend time lighting the moon OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I SEE WHAT CARLIN'S DOING HERE.

In actual fact, the darkness is being caused by the supervillain Blackout, who's on the run with fellow miscreant Moonstone after they escaped Project: Pegasus and a battle with the Avengers.  Moonstone needs more of her eponymous fuel to get her back in the game, and Blackout is her best chance of stealing it from the Inhumans; a gigantic cloud of psychic squid-ink being the best of all forms of infiltration, obviously.

Not that the villainous duo even get the chance to try.  Black Bolt begins feeding the awesome power of his voice into whatever conversion process Dazzler instinctively uses, and the resulting burst of energy quickly reveals the interlopers.  Seeing the enemy and capturing them are two different things, of course, and a strange kind of tug of war (more of a push of war really) develops between Dazzler's light and Blackout's darkness, with the latter strengthened by bursts of light from Moonstone, which really just makes everything more confusing.  Eventually, Alison wins out - having Black Bolt's mumbling as a power supply tends to make things fairly easy, and Blackout, er, blacks out.  This is somewhat problematic, as Blackout's darkness was the only thing the villains could use to breathe.  This makes absolutely no sense, of course, any more than the idea that Quicksilver can apparently outrun the effects of hard vacuum exposure, but this is the '80s, and basic science hasn't been invented yet.

With our heroes victorious, there's just enough time for a round of delighted back-slapping, and then Lockjaw is pressed into service returning the villains to Pegasus and Dazzler to her apartment, just in time for her alarm to go off.  Another day of work beckons.  Moon lighting is never an easy thing to get right...

Clues

This story takes place from some time after 2pm Thursday afternoon to around 9am Friday morning.  Quite how so much time is sucked up whilst Alison is on the moon, I've no idea.

This is Dazzler's third weekly class, so it's been at least a fortnight since her first work-out, and the script makes it clear it took her some time to find the job. Aside from a reference to Nekoboh, this issue has pretty much nothing tying it to recent issues, so we can put it more or less where we like.  Since it's been three months since the last Dazzler issue, then, we can place this three months further ahead without any problem, and thus bring it closer to what's happening in the other X-Books that month.

Date

Thursday 3^rd to Friday 4^th of November, 1983.

X-Date

X+5Y+199 to X+5Y+200.

Contemporary Events

Just one day after President Reagan signs a bill creating Martin Luther King Jr. Day, the Reverend Jessie Jackson announces his candidacy for US president.

Standout Line

"I thought hangin' out on the dark side of the moon'd be cool... 'til I found out it ain't really dark -- just turned away from the sun." - Blackout.

You heard it here first, people.  Night time isn't dark, it's just unable to access sunlight.  A critical difference, I'm sure you agree.

These are the two ringworms Project: Pegasus were so interested in studying?  I assume it was part of a research grant investigating the links between super-villainy and a failing educational system.