XHY #12: "And Death Alone Shall Know My Name"

(Hypnotic dinos vs. magnetic magma.)

Comments

Ooh, double length, is it?  Good-oh.

(Actually, it is only 1.72 times the length, which means a slight infraction of trading standards, but also a slight relief regarding how much of this I have to suffer through).

Once again, the X-Men are spread across the globe.  This is causing all kinds of continuity problems.  We already knew that Iceman's travails in the Savage Land, and Alex and Lorna's search for him, isn't strictly contemporaneous with the rest of the team's adventures, but now Beast and the Professor are separated from Cyclops and Marvel Girl, and their stories seem to have widely diverging timelines as well.

Sigh.

We'll do this thread by thread again.  Up in Dumfree, Illinois, the wretched remains of the last Sentinel (for now at least) hasn't even finished sparking, and already things are going pear-shaped again.  Ashley - apparently a psychokinetic, capable of animating inorganic matter - has decided everything would have been fine if Big Bot hadn't been driven mad by Xavier's arrival, and that mans things would be better if he left.  At a hundred miles an hour, into a tree.  Hank grabs him before he end up with even fewer movable body parts, but it's clear that they're in deep trouble.

Somewhere in the Southern Hemisphere, Krueger's vessel slips into port under a red sky.  Things are going according to plan for the hand-off, except that Candy has turned out to be resistant to Krueger's knock-out powers (under the excuse that nothing's impossible where the X-Men are concerned, which is supremely idiotic).  Surprising Krueger just as he's welcoming Unus and Mastermind aboard (they've just enough time to apologise for Blob being too fat to join them, and point out how easily identifiable Marvel Girl is), Candy knocks him out with a cargo crane.  That's the extent of her success, however, it's just moments later that she falls headlong into a Mastermind illusion (endless staircase: a classic). 

Unus and Mastermind get down to a little pro-forma supervillain squabbling before handing over Krueger's money, and heading back to shore. Clever readers (by which I mean those that don't immediately forget everything they've read every time they turn the page) might be wondering what steps Krueger has taken to insure he's not being paid with illusory money.

The answer is: no steps.  Mastermind has handed Krueger an empty suitcase, and Mr Supreme Know-It-All "I'm too good for words like 'mutant'" just can't be bothered to check.  He hasn't even worked out the last payment was equally non-existent.  Blob puts this down to the iron-clad self-confidence of the relentlessly narcissistic, but terrible writing seems like a much more likely explanation.  I suppose this method explains why Dukes can afford so many hooker to give him a sponge bath, though.  That, or they all think it's taking surprisingly long to get through all Ryan Reynold's surface area.

The bulk of this issue, though, takes place in the Savage Land.  I thought we'd missed something important last issue, and this fills in the blanks.  The amnesiac Bobby is becoming increasingly suspicious regarding his host's behaviour, especially when he gives his name as "Joe Smith", which Bobby points out isn't just obviously fake, but lazy as hell into the bargain. 

(I've always wondered about this, actually - does it really make sense to say a name sounds so common that it's likely to be fake?  If he'd claimed to be Cornelius Fatwasp, then that might be worthy of suspicion.)

INTERMISSION

Things are coming to a head in other ways as well.  Alex and Lorna have finally reached the island, having been following Bobby's signal via Cerebro.  And Magneto is preparing to attack Bobby and "Joe", because - well, that's not entirely clear.  Amphibius' desire to see his master get a step up on the property ladder (cave < abandoned Nazi outpost, as Kirstie Allsopp will tell you) doesn't really seem like a good enough reason to murder two people, nor does Mags own decision to claim the island's resources, even accounting for Bryne's insistence on writing Magneto as the one-note villain not seen since the early '80s.

It's especially dumb since Mag's plan involves him heading deeper into the cave and reach a kick-ass underground complex diverting thermal power to the Savage Land.  Why not keep exploring that, rather than trying to start a volcanic eruption to toast his enemies?  And what was the point of putting together a new costume so his victims will know "who it is who destroys them," if you're going to cook them to death from below?

Some way above, "Joe" has gone hunting, and a distrustful Bobby is following at a distance.  It turns out that he's after dinosaur game (in this case, a particularly unlucky hadrosaurid), which seems more overambitious than sinister.  Of course, then he sucks the life-force out of the thing's fucking face, and that's proves more of an issue (though, really, they're already supposed to be extinct, so this is just tying up loose ends).  Bobby figures this rather disturbing display is worth a longer conversation, but this is interrupted by Magneto's attack.  Apparently he's decided to lava his opponents to death and zap them with magnetic energy.  You can't accuse the man of not being thorough.

Bobby and "Joe" escape the initial conflagration, but the danger causes Kyle's survival instincts to kick in, and he chugs down Bobby's energy for himself, becoming Sauron in the process.  Magento has never seen him before, which means he wastes precious time stepping to instead of bringing on the smack.  Suaron punishes the error by hypnotising Magneto, taking him out of the fight.

Meanwhile, the energy release from the transformation, or Magneto's powers, or something from the volcanic eruptions (or some or all of the above) causes Alex to lose control of the craft carrying himself and Lorna (no idea where Ka-Zar went; presumably he saw something shiny and/or bikini-clad), and they crash into the island.  Bobby pulls them from the crash, regaining his memory in the memory in the process (apparently a combination of wanting to fuck Lorna, and having been fucked over by Lykos).

When the crash-landers wake up, Alex is all for letting Sauron and Magneto beat the crap out of each other, but Bobby points out that a talking green pterosaur with the power of the X-Men's greatest foe would probably constitute a bad thing.  Of course, Mags isn't too happy about them interrupting his fun, and so he immediately puts them right at the top of his "to kill" list.

Sauron plays into this by hypnotising Alex for use as an impromptu artillery position.  Bobby wants to help out, but his hoarfrosty hands are full with Lorna, who keeps threatening to faint, because that's what women do.  In fairness, she has a better excuse than most, she's responding to alterations in the local magnetosphere caused by Amphibius, who's using one of Lykos' gizmos to feed thermal power to Magneto.   Frankly, that's all on Sauron.  It's one thing to build a dustbin lid capable of harnessing the energy of Mother Earth herself, but it's quite another to label it so clearly that a talking frog can operate it in an attempt on your life.

Iceman gives Sauron a break by smashing the device (completely going against his argument four pages earlier to make sure Lykos loses, but then Bobby's never been the spiciest Nik-Nak in the bag).  The now powerless Magneto attempts to bribe Sauron with a slice of his future empire, but Karl treats this with the contempt it deserves, and flies away, leaving Magneto to an ugly death as the crust beneath him breaks apart.  Sauron returns just long enough to hypnotise the X-Men into forgetting he is still alive, and then leaves for good.  Their business apparently concluded, our heroes repair their craft, and head for home.

EPILOGUE(S)

Magneto digs himself clear of the chaos of what remains of the ground around the battlesite.  What remained of the healing energies of the Savage Land city has kept him alive, but he has no energy left to go further.  Fortunately, he doesn't have to - an Atlantean expedition has followed the seismic activity to this location, with Namor himself aboard.  In one of the few truly altruistic moments in the prince's life, he rescues Magneto, taking him back to Atlantis, and hoping all the while that this time, the man won't cause any trouble...

Clues

It's either sunset or sunrise above Kruger's ship when Unus and Mastermind arrive, which either way presumably means that Blob's delivery of two X-Men (and complimentary flatscan) takes place the day after Scott, Jean and Candy were first captured.  As usual, there's no way to work out exactly when the events in the Savage Land are taking place.

There's also two epilogues, taking place three and five days later, respectively, but since they don't involve the X-Men, we don't particularly need to worry about them.

Date

Thursday 26^th June and Wednesday 9^th to Thursday 10^th July, 1980.

X-Date

X+2Y+87 and X+2Y+97 to X+2Y+98.

Contemporary Events

Jessica Simpson is born, to the future delight of a hundred thousand journalists who don't really feel like searching out real news.

Standout Line

"'Sauron', is it?  A name pirated from a foolish fairy tale!"

Never before has Magneto seemed so irredeemably evil.  I mean, sinking that submarine was one thing, but this?

DAZ #14: "...Without Getting Killed Or Caught!..."

(Identities mistaken and missing.)

Comments

In a seedy motel somewhere in Los Angeles, a man cleans his rifle.  A newspaper clipping lies on his bed amongst guns, photos and camera equipment.  Dazzler's face is circled in red.

Osgood is sending Dazzler on a trip somewhere, or at least he is if Alison can ever finish packing (is that a sexist stereotype?  I've seen a significant amount of corroborative evidence).  Somehow she makes it to the plane, and six hours later, they're in Los Angeles, meeting up with the band (not Lance, though - I can well believe he has more beauty products to pack than Dazzler does, stage make-up notwithstanding).  Harry, we learn, has finally found Alison another gig - a replacement for Bruce Harris' backup band, who've quit on him, presumably because he's a dick.

There's just enough time for Dazzler to smell the roses (apparently a cross-continental gift from Ken, her lawyer in last issue's trial) and to gauge Harris' exact level of gittitude (spoiler: extreme), before she's in her dressing room, once again drawing stars around her eyes, and trying not to think about how badly the odds are stacked against first-choice back-up bands, never mind fill-ins.

There's bigger problems ahead than a hostile audience, though.  Or, to be more accurate, this particular audience is liable to a lot more hostile than most.  The hired killer is out in the auditorium, as well as three disreputable looking hoods who've already "cased the place".

Not far into a gig which, in fairness, seems to be going quite well for our heroine, Dazzler notices her light-show reflecting off something in the stalls, which on closer inspection proves to be a sniper scope.  Alison throws a strobe blast at whomever is holding the gun, making him clip his target rather than killing him.

And who is the intended victim?  It's Joe Cartelli, otherwise known as the Blue Shield.  Taking time out from his busy Mafia-busting schedule to take in his friend's stage show, and he ends up almost getting himself JFK'd.  I like the idea that Dazzler is about to dragged into to trouble again because of the people she knows, it works a bit better than always happening to have shit go down at her gigs at random.

Joe realises he's been winged by a bullet, and makes a quick exit.  Outside, he changes into his costume, heads up to the box from where he figures the shot came, and beats down his assailant.  Thanks to some useful expository thinking from Mr Cartelli, we learn he's ostensibly in town in order to take control of some local turf on behalf of his New York boss, but is presumably actually planning to punch out as many hoods along the way as he can.  The unsavoury characters we met earlier watch the Blue Shield in action, and panic.  How can they keep Cartelli from muscling in on their territory and keep their jaws from breaking under the Blue Shield's, er, blue shield?

But their leader, the crime boss known only as "Ed", isn't just a lack of a pretty face!  It can't be a coincidence that a New York superhero beat the crap out of a hitman looking to scrag a New York gangster.  There's only one explanation: the New York band!

(That sound you hear is William of Occam spinning in his grave.  Well, actually, it's more likely to be a washing machine or the heating system.)

Yes, the jury has returned, and the verdict unanimous: the Blue Shield can only be pretty boy Lance.  Whether they're right on that score or not, though, they're clearly going to need some heavy artillery to stand any chance against the notorious crime-buster.  Fortunately for them, Ed has acquired a secret weapon from a crashed compact he passed a few days ago: a mind-controlled She-Hulk! 

She's just back-up, though.  Plan A involves two flunkies bursting in on Dazzler's post-gig poker game, and grabbing both her and Lance, who apparently has arrived in LA just in time to get a gun shoved in his face.  They want him to fess up to being the Blue Shield; she's just an insurance policy against him getting his glow on.  At least she doesn't need to worry about that at least, but when their escorts bring them to meet Ed at a truck depot, and he attacks Lance with his zombified super-being (powers include greenness, super-strength, and inflatable thighs that grow to widths thicker than her head), Dazzler feels the need to intervene.

A quick burst of light deals with the surrounding criminals, but She-Hulk isn't so much as fazed, and her standing orders are to smash up anything that attackers her "masters."  Applying some commendable lateral thinking, Daz hoofs it until she finds a truck with the keys in the ignition, and starts is up, using the engine noise and the horn to charge herself to the point where even She-Hulk feels the resulting blast.  Alison's previous victims choose this moment to come round and, seeing their emerald enforcer stunned on the ground, decide cowardice is the better part of criminal activity.  Alas, their headlong flight from danger is rudely interrupted by the Blue Shield's knuckles - the would-be assassin back at the gig has spilt the beans.

While Cartelli honours his father's memory with indiscriminate violence, the She-Hulk recovers both her senses, and her mind.  She thanks Dazzler for shaking her out of her enforced trance, and repays her with a terrifying joyride in a stolen truck.  I guess she didn't recover all of her mind. 

In addition to GTA and risk to life and limb, though, She-Hulk has some advice to offer, from one super-powered daughter-of-an-insufferable-prick to another: do what you need to do, and everyone else can go fuck themselves.  It's slightly ill-fitting advice, considering Jennifer Walter s is still a lawyer, no matter how many rogues she cock-punches of an evening, but it's appreciated by Dazzler nonetheless.

And after She-Hulk drops Alison back at the auditorium, the singer finds something else she can appreciate; the management want her back next year as a headline act.  Hurrah!

Clues

There's nothing here that ties us down.  I guess one could ask how long it can have been if Ken is sending her flowers, but it might have taken him time to build up the nerve (he certainly didn't come across as a lady's man - I guess the whole "lawyer" thing doesn't really work for public defence attorneys).  There's also no direct suggestion that Alison hasn't been living off of singing telegram gigs for a while.

We'll thus place this story a month further down the line, as part of the effort to get back in synch with UXM.  Doing so puts this issue between UXM #150 and Annual #5, published six months earlier.

Date

Friday 9^th of March, 1983.

X-Date

X+4Y+333.

Contemporary Events

Joshua "Slippery Rock" Nkomo flees Zimbabwe after Mugabe unleashes his forces against Nkomo's Matabele homeland.   Thousands of civilians are killed in Mugabe's attempt to crush Nkomo's party, the Zimbabwe African People's Union.

Standout Line

"THERE IS NO DEFENSE against your charms."   D'aww!  Lawyer chat-up lines are so adorable.  The best statistics equivalent I can think of is "The data leads me to reject the hypothesis that you are not totally sexylicious!".  This stuff is harder than it looks.

XHY #11: "Destroy All Mutants!"

(The iron giant douche.)

Comments

We kick off this issue with rosy memories of a halcyon age.  Specifically, the final stages of Larry Trask's attempts to polish off the nascent mutant population.  This takes three pages, which seems unnecessary (though certainly not atypical), but we eventually get to the point where five partially smashed Sentinels manage to combine their less battered sections into a single workable whole.

Fast forward four weeks and thirty years, and this motley collection of technically indistinguishable machines has arrived to make life difficult for Xavier and Beast.  Fortunately, young Ashley's mutant power has now become clear - she can somehow subconsciously re-program machines to follow her instructions.  Handy, if somewhat prosaic.  I'm getting the distinct feeling that one could resolve any given cliff-hanger in this book by simply applying the Marvel Universe's equivalent of Occam's Razor.

Ashley's mother chooses this moment to arrive, and is rather upset to see that her daughter is playing with strange men.  And a robot.  That has smashed up their house.  Xavier explains that Ashley is a mutant, which probably doesn't help, but you can't blame him for that.  Ashley's influence over "Big Bot" is enough to get him to explain where he came from (which we already knew, save that he landed in the Martin's backyard to destroy Ashley, only to find himself with more repair work to do first), but with that tale told, he reverts to his original programming - destroy all mutants, and wreck as much real estate as possible in the process.

Ashley finds herself unable to re-establish complete control and force the Sentinel to stand down, but she has sufficient power (and, it must be said, imagination, this is easily the best moment in the issue) to have the residual parts of the other four Sentinels declare war on each other, and rip themselves to pieces.  In terms of immediate survival, Xavier and Beast's chances just went up a notch or two, but something seems to have clicked inside Ashley's cerebellum.  Glowing eyes and sudden mood changes are rarely a good sign in children.  Just ask John Wyndham.

On the other side of the world, we learn that the crucified form found by Cyclops, Marvel Girl and Candy Southern wasn't the Angel, merely an angel, specifically Warren's mutant saviour from the Savage Land city.  She's still alive, and the X-Men try to fight their way back to the jet and get her some medical attention. They don't get far - the leader of the low-grade mutants ("freaks", they say they're happy to call themselves) arrives, walks unimpeded directly through Cyclops beam, and introduces himself as Krueger.  He claims to know all about the X-Men, though his briefings can't have been too thorough; he immediately assumes Candy is Marvel Girl due to her costume, despite her being brunette, and despite their being another woman in the team who does have red hair, and an almost identically shaped face-mask.

Still, maybe the guy doesn't really feel the need to pay that much attention.  He certainly has plenty of power - the instant he grows tired of his captives he knocks them all unconscious with a neat special effect, and goes off to talk to one of his clients.  Krueger's decided he's going to sell the X-Men to Blob, Unus and Mastermind.

Back in the Savage Land, Amphibious has found the Nazi outpost where Karl and Bobby have made camp, and decides would make a more fitting place for Magneto to recuperate than a dingy cave.  The next thing we know, the base is under attack.  Iceman gets clear (though he still can't remember that he has rather more options at his disposal than a sneaky retreat), and does Karl, but the latter is wounded in the process, and can't help but reach out for the nearest life-source in order to juice himself back up.  Moments later, Bobby is unconscious, and Sauron is reborn.

Clues

The narration describes the events of UXM #57 to #59 as happening "four weeks earlier."  Astonishingly, our timeline has the time at precisely thirty days, which is either an amazing coincidence, or evidence that Bryne is no less anal than I am.

Or at least it would do, if the arrival of the Sentinel apparently happened a week earlier.  I think the easiest way to extricate ourselves from this is just to assume the scene in which that happened, at the very end of XHY #9, wasn't supposed to follow on directly from the X-Men's second victory over the Z'Nox.  Given that the various separate strands of the book's narrative already don't entirely match up, that doesn't seem unreasonable.

Speaking of which, the "not quite meanwhile" discovery of Karl's shack by Amphibious, just after having arrived with a soggy Magneto, makes the Savage Land timeline even more confusing than it already was.  I think I'm going to wait until everyone is back in the same place before I worry too much about exactly what was being done when and where.

Date

Wednesday 9^th July, 1980.

X-Date

X+2Y+97.

Contemporary Events

Two Tube trains collide in Holborn Station.

Standout Line

"He thinks Candy is me!  Of course!  There's no way he'd know she's just wearing one of my costumes..."

 

DAZ #13: "Trial... And Terror!"

(Courtroom melodrama.)

Comments

This is interesting.  Even more so than last issue, this book has gone in completely the opposite direction to the bog-standard superhero title I was afraid Galactus' arrival heralded.  The main story here revolves around the aftershocks of the Project: PEGASUS debacle, but had Klaw gotten himself killed in a more prosaic fashion, there's very little here to differentiate Dazzler's travails from those of any other woman trapped inside an unabashed melodrama.  She has another desperately frosty encounter with her estranged father (who in all fairness can probably be forgiven for not being too happy when he comes home and finds her boosting his dead wife's jewellery), she finds her agent still has nothing for her (a quick gig as a singing telegram prevents her from total destitution), and Doctor Crotchthrob breaks up with her in a crowded restaurant. 

(Which, by the way, is an act of total and utter gittitude.  Don't invite your girlfriend to a swanky joint, knowing she'll spend hours getting ready, just so you can tear her heart out before she can even start her entree.  Once you've made that fateful decision, it can be hard to work out how best to deliver the news without doing too much damage,  but if find it happening whilst your partner is a black satin evening dress, you have Fucked Up.)

Dazzler is almost home from her humiliating heave-ho when she runs into two men claiming to be federal marshals.  They're under instructions to arrest her for Klaw's murder.  It seems odd that PEGASUS would want to press this, actually, given they must presumably want to remain under the radar as much as possible, especially given they held Alison, a US citizen, hostage for a week or so.  Indeed, a paranoid mind might assume the feds are actually there to make sure she can't talk. Maybe that's why Dazzler blasts them, and makes a run for it.

Dazzler doesn't seem to be any better at keeping her head down than PEGASUS are, even though she goes to the effort of stealing a wino's hat to act as a disguise (the evening wear doesn't really help in this regard).  She hides for a while in an all night cinema, but decides to turn herself in the next morning.  Given her earlier attempt to escape, she's thrown into a Ryker's Island cell for the night (her pro bono lawyer tells her there's pressure from high up the food chain to get her trial underway the following day, presuambly PEGASUS is pulling some strings).

This is where we reach the only part of the comic which really reads like a superhero story, and not coincidentally, it's also the least interesting.  Don't get me wrong, I don't wish every issue was like this, but it's a shame Fingeroth shied away from running with the "slice of life" angle for the whole issue.  Dazzler, whilst wearing a cut-off top so skimpy you can only assume a porn studio across the bay is having to film "The Shawshank Erection" [1] with full jumpsuits due to a hilarious mix-up at the dry cleaners, is dragged from her bunk by the local supervillainesses.  They want a look at the woman who they've heard shut up Klaw permanently, and having looked at her, then want to beat her up.

Worse luck for them, they've forgotten a cardinal rule of the super-powered community: if someone who looks entirely harmless has fatally messed up a known bad-ass, then assume there's more to them than there appears.  All it takes is one sound-attack from Screaming Mimi (and holy God, I can see why she switched to being Songbird), and Dazzler has enough juice to level her assailants, and get herself back to bed.

Day dawns soon enough, and Alison's trial begins.  The jury have been sworn to secrecy given PEGASUS' top secret nature, which I guess is something, though I still don't see what their endgame is.  Are they hoping to be able to swing custody of Dazzler somehow?

Not they really have much of a case.  For a start, they're arguing that Dazzler signed away her right to leave the facility, which should have immediately had them laughed out of court ("I can't have kidnapped her!  She signed this form in triplicate!".  Their other argument isn't much better - she should have sufficient control over her powers to have not had to kill Klaw - but I can see why the prosecution would use it and hope the jury were sufficiently anti-mutant to convict on that alone.  Actually, that could be turned into a much more interesting story than this one, and I'm not sure it's ever really been done.  Magneto's trial doesn't really count, given he was a self-confessed terrorist, and these days Cyclops' X-Men tend to fight tooth and nail to stop mutants form ever having to see the inside of a courtroom in the first place.

In the end, Dazzler wins out, due to Quasar breaking ranks to testify on her behalf, and because her lawyer pulls out a bit of last-minute A Time To Kill style soliloquising.  Forcing Meeker to admit on the stand that he was following Alison around for weeks probably helped as well.  A happy ending all around, then, though it doesn't seem to have done much for our heroine's hatred of lawyers.

Clues

There's no real reference to how long ago last issue took place, which is unusual for this title.  Indeed, the timings are a little hard to figure out here.  On the one hand, Alison's grandmother tells her that Carter dislikes having his daughter in the house even more following her disappearance, which suggests that at least some time has passed.  On the other hand, the implication during Dazzler's conversation with Harry Osgood is that this is their first meeting since she saved him from Techmaster, just a few days after her return.

We'll try and balance everything out by assuming a fortnight has passed, putting DAZ #13 between UXM #144 and #145 (which were actually published one year earlier).

Date

Tuesday 8^th to Friday 9^th of February, 1983.

X-Date

 X+4Y+304 to X+4Y+305.

Contemporary Events



Standout Line

"Ladies and gentlemen, consider this: could you or I describe sight to someone blind from birth?  I doubt it.  Neither could we even begin to understand what it is like to possess power like that of Alison Blaire.  It is beyond your, my, or anyone's comprehension -- as is the magnitude of the threat she faced in the person of Klaw, the aptly named murderous master of sound.  I ask you ... do you have the right to judge this woman?  Are you -- could anyone be -- a 'jury of her peers'?" - Kenneth Barnett, closing statement.

(Let's all try to not notice the fact that you could wield that argument in defence of pretty much any mutant at any time.)

[1] Turns out this is a real film, which I guess I should have assumed, due to some kind of weird corollary to Rule 34.

XHY #10: "Home Is Where The Hurt Is..."

(Party-splitting headache.)

Comments

Gah.  This is getting complicated; clearly Bryne is not a man to shy away from juggling multiple parties.  By the middle of this issue, the eight main characters are in five separate locations.  I'm having flashbacks to Cthulhu sessions just thinking about it.  Three groups was hard enough - thank God Jamie was accommodating enough to get himself torn to pieces.

Before we get to the full split, though, there's a few things to cover first.  We rewind the clock a little way (a fortnight, by my reckoning) to watch the mutate Amphibious save an unconscious Magneto from drowning in the Antarctic Ocean, having presumably fallen in after jumping from the collapsing escape vessel built by his bat-winged former allies.

Leap-frogging (sorry) over to the other side of the Z'Nox caper, we find ourselves on Muir Isle, where Xavier and Moira are checking Jean out after her freak-out in space.  This actually makes me more well-disposed to the whole thing, actually.  It still seems pointless in the context of the story itself, and the whole "dream as cliffhanger" aspect still guarantees Bryne a spot in Writer's Hell.  Nevertheless, using it as a springboard to establish Moira's relationship with Charles a little earlier than was originally the case results in a nice cameo that, unlike the shoe-horning in of Storm back in issue #5, actually makes total sense.  Indeed, it allows us to get near probably the most worthwhile thread in this whole project: the idea that no-one can tell if something is wrong with Xavier since his return from the "dead", or if he's just keeping more things back from the X-Men for what he thinks are good reasons.

Jean calls him on all this, and Charles waves it away as a necessary precaution given no-one but he and Jean could resist a psychic probe, but she isn't convinced, and we're not supposed to be either (Hank worries about this same point later in the issue).  This "what's Xavier hiding" story has been bubbling since the first issue, so I'm hoping - somewhat naively, perhaps - that there's something good coming down the road.  Beast and Cyclops meet the plane as the two telepaths return to the mansion.  Cerebro's picked up a new mutant, and it's time to go hunting.

Cut to last issue's little girl, Ashley, who's looking pretty good considering her run in with a Sentinel.  Presumably she's the new mutant, and she's playing in the barn a lot these days because she's stuck the robot in there.  Not sure why she hasn't been fried already, but who can you trust more to give satisfying explanations than John Bryne. [1]

Back at the mansion, Cerebro's best guess puts the new mutant close to where Hank's parents live, so Beast and Charles drive out there to do some digging and surprise the McCoys.  It's at this point that we reach five different parties, which we'll deal with in no particular order:

1. Beast and Professor X themselves pay a flying visit to Hank's mother and father, and then head on to their best guess for the location of their target (Cerebro can't be precise because of an "overlapping signal": the Sentinel?  That wouldn't make sense, would it?).  It's definitely Ashley's house and, indeed, there's something huge, red and purple lurking in the barn, that quickly gets the drop on Beast.  Outside, Charles meets Ashley, and confirms her mutant status, but that's all that can be done before the Sentinel smashes through the barn after the badly beaten McCoy.  The two adults are overwhelmed almost immediately, but the Sentinel (one of five, it claims) seems oddly willing to listen to Ashley, despite knowing she's a mutant herself.  Was she bait, then?  Or is something more interesting going on?
2. Jean and Scott are left holding the fort, using Cerebro to try and locate Warren.   They think they've finally found him, apparently surrounded by other, weaker contacts, just in time for Candy Southern to re-appear.  She's still looking for Angel to pass on some news she apparently needs to deliver personally, so she invites herself along for the rescue mission.  She puts on one of Marvel Girls old costumes (it suits Candy better) so as to ensure no-one can recognise her and trace her back to their secret identities.  Of course, as soon as they board the freighter we know Angel is on (having used "stealth mode" to park their jet in the sea right next to it - I call bullshit on that one), they both start referring to her as Candy, which probably doesn't do the plan all that much good.  Upon the freighter, the trio are attacked by a mob of what may be mutants, or what may just be deformed humans, but fight their way to where they think Angel is being held, only to discover...
3. Angel has apparently been crucified. Dun dun DUUUUUUR!
4. Alex and Lorna are still flying over the Savage Land with Ka-Zar riding shotgun, and they've finally picked up Bobby's signal, though they're still not quite sure why he's here at all, or where exactly the signal is coming from.
5. Actually, Iceman is still amnesiac, and still in the company of Karl Lykos in his Nazi boudoir.  This wouldn't be XHY if we didn't have at least one overlong flashback sequence, and this time around it's Karl's, but at least this one goes a little beyond what we already knew to explain how Sauron ended up here, which is nice (see footnote).

Phew.  That about does it.  When does our favourite super-team get to be, you know, a team again?

Clues

Given the length of time it presumably took to return from space, fly to Muir Island, and run through Moira's battery of tests, we'll assume this story starts two days after the last one ended.  The issue itself begins some time in the very early morning (from the American perspective) and continues until the mid afternoon.

Date

Wednesday 9^th July, 1980.

X-Date

X+2Y+97.

Contemporary Events

Disney release The Fox and the Hound.

We all need a little cuteness every now and then.

Standout Line

"Well, Professor?  Are there [more secrets]?"
"I cannot answer that without knowing what you already know, Jean.  And I cannot learn what you already know without possibly revealing things you have no immediate need to know."

[1] I'm being slightly unfair here.  In fact, one of the things I appreciate about this book is Bryne seems very keen to make sure everything makes sense, in as much as the Marvel universe ever can.  His explanations might be unimaginative and long-winded, but it's still an effort that's appreciated, especially coming so close after the era of ridiculously drawn-out and increasingly contradictory mysterious sub plots. 

Take Amphibious' appearance at the start of this issue: a quick explanation of why Magneto isn't dead, which is definitely preferable to his constant hand-wavey escapes throughout the other X-books (though I acknowledge that such on-screen reprieves would rather spoil suprise returns, something which this title uniquely doesn't have to worry about).

Gary's Ghost

Just passing along this post from George R R Martin regarding the plight of Gary Friedrich, who wrote four issues of X-Men back in the '60s.  As I recall, I wasn't tremendously impressed, but of course it's very easy to sneer at stories that are over forty years old, especially in what was at the time a comparatively new medium, at least as far as the general public was concerned (if you haven't already, you should really read Scott McCloud's brilliant Understanding Comics for a full history of the comic form, though that's a post for another time).

In any case, my opinion on my small experience with Friedrich's writing notwithstanding, it's certainly not difficult to see something wrong in a studio making millions of dollars off a character created by someone who won't see a cent of the profits.  I think Martin's suggestion of sending Friedrich the cost of a ticket to the film is a really nice idea, so, as I say, I'm passing it along.

DAZ #12: "Endless Hate"

(A dish best served with lasers.)

Comments

After Alison's ridiculous-yet-interesting adventure with Project Pegasus, and her ridiculous-yet-tiresome encounter with Galactus, it's apparently time for our heroine to get back to her life.  Hurrah!  Job one is to arrange a dinner date with Dr Tightpants.  Frankly, she seems entirely too enamoured of the man, telling him she loves him.  It's only been a few weeks since you met, kiddo!    Maybe it's a comic-time thing (in terms of publication dates, it's been more than half a year), or maybe Fingeroth has no respect for a woman's self-control. 

Or, I guess, "true love" is actually real, or some shit, and I'm a bitter coal-hearted Grinch.  Answers on a postcard.

Job two is trying to patch things up with Harry Osgood.  Unsurprisingly, this proves difficult, partially because Alison can't tell the truth about where she's been (or so she thinks, though he's already aware that she's both a mutant and the sort of person to stick her nose in supervillain-wise), but mainly because he's still on edge following Techmaster's attempt on his life.  He and his family are now escorted by security guards everywhere they go, which is clearly not too much fun.  That said, it's obviously not an unwise decision, since Techmaster is clearly planning another attack, having built a voice-changer to lure Harry to a dinner date... with DEATH!

Harry's mood is black enough to palm Alison off on Sid, a promoter of dubious repute. Soon enough, Dazzler finds herself making ends meet by singing at a grand opening for Generic Fast Food Chain #1 (whose mascot is "the burglar clown"; good luck figuring out that riddle!).   Still, a gig is a gig, and maybe now she'll have some money for food, or possibly to fix her broken fridge, which is so messed up things stored in it apparently go bad overnight.  Those winter New York nights are just too damn hot, I guess.

When Alison shows up for dinner that evening we learn Dr Smoulder-Eyes has an ulterior motive for the occasion - they're double-dating with Dr Sloan and his wife, and Dr Firm-Biceps has his eye on a promotion.  Unfortunately, the date goes awry.  This is of course entirely predictable - any readers who are aware of a "you need to impress my boss" scene in any fiction anywhere that goes right all the way through are encouraged to mention them in comments - but there's at least an amusing level of (accidental?) parody here.  Not only are the Sloans total dicks (was there really anyone in the '80s who still held a grudge about what Elvis Presley did to music?), but Alison is idiotic enough to invite two tight-arsed opera fans to a Plasmatics gig.  All things considered, Alison bringing things to a close by spilling a vase of flowers on Dr Sloan's lap is probably one of the best conclusions possible.

Dr Widejaw doesn't really see things that way, though, and he has himself a bit of a sulk when they get back to Dazzler's apartment.  Fortunately for him, Alison is classy enough to apologise for being off her game, as oppose to pointing out turning their first date in weeks into an attempt to climb the greasy pole is a bullshit move of epic proportions.  Eventually he works that out for himself, and the pair make up with some implied sexy-time, but when he leaves, Dr Stronghands is concerned.  How can he stay with a beautiful, passionate and understanding woman who's not good at impressing dickheads?

The next morning, Alison gets a call from Sid.  He has more work available, and Dazzler is still sufficiently desperate to say "yes".  There's just time for a few shots of Alison, clad in manners known by man as "scanty", and then the door, she is out of it.

Alas, that voice she heard at the end of the telephone was a trick!  'Tis really Techmaster who has summoned her.  Let's see if Dazzler can pick up on the subtle clues that something is askew.  A new rendezvous in a huge but unnamed building in Long Island?  No.  Fine with that.  An escort from the "company chauffeur", arranged by a man who's business is providing back-up singers for McSomebody's openings?  Nope, that's cool.  The revelation that she's been taken inside a gigantic, fully automated factory, where there are no witnesses and no conceivable connection to Sid's agency (apparently, talent scouts are known for branching out into hi-tech laser to create transducers)?  Not a problem.

Sid showing up and actually being Techmaster?  Ah.  That seems to have induced a penny-drop.

Interestingly, Techmaster isn't after either help with killing Harry, or revenge for her ruining his last attempt on the man's life.  Instead, he wants the secret of Dazzler's stage show, so he can either use it sell it on.  That's a nice little fake-out, actually, though since Techmaster promises he'll do Alison some major harm if she doesn't spill the beans, I guess it doesn't really matter one way or the other.  For reasons I don't entirely understand, Techie locks Dazzler inside a booth with a four-hour lock on the door so she can think over his final offer (loads of money and not being hideously injured), whilst he goes off to ruin Harry's lunch.

And ruined it most definitely is.  Harry's enforcer doesn't stay around long after Techmaster crushes his magnum and threatens to do the same thing to his testicles (I may be extemporising slightly here), and Harry himself goes along meekly once he's informed his house is wired with explosives, and so his only real choice is whether or not his family will die alongside him.

Back at the factory, Dazzler is almost ready to attempt escape, having spent some time slowly charging up using radio static.  It took me a while to work out why Techmaster locked her in a sound-proof room, actually, that seemed far too convenient.  Looking back, though, I think Techmaster is assuming she's using a variant on his own sound transducers to create her light shows, so maybe he hit on the right strategy for the wrong reason.  Either way, Daz has finally got enough juice to start generating lasers, and she's free pretty quick after that.

The first thing she sees upon escape though is Techmaster escorting Harry through the factory.  Techie is cackling loudly about his intention to disappear forever once Harry is dead.  I suppose that explains why he was willing to abduct Harry from a crowded restaurant, and Alison works out that the four-hour lock on the booth was to keep her out of trouble whilst the hit went down.  Was all that stuff about her stage tricks just a bluff, then?  Why go through with that at all?  Or is he planning on rising from the underground later to press her for information again?  I'll admit to being slightly confused.

Dazzler tries to take out Techmaster before he can feed Harry to the factory lasers, but the villain has already put on his anti-glare goggles, keeping him safe.  Dazzler manages to blast them off his face, but by that point, Techie has pushed her back into the sound-proof booth.  The issue gains bonus sexual equality points for having Alison being the only person smart enough to work out that the Techmaster isn't really all that dangerous - he's just an executive with very strong hands, and so vulnerable to Dazzler's significantly better reflexes and general physical fitness - only to lose them all again for having her defeat her foe by, I swear to God, repeatedly hitting him with her purse.

Unable to withstand the unstoppable assault of this Gucci accessory (seriously, she specifically mentions it's a Gucci), Techmaster beats a hurried retreat, and manages to fall over the gantry railings towards his own lasers.  Fortunately, Harry grabs him just in time, and, after considering his options for a second or two, drags his nemesis to safety.

Humbled by what's happened, Techmaster vows to leave them both alone, and leaves.  Harry and Dazzler, for their part, apologise to each other for the last couple of days.

Clues

This story begins "a few days" after Dazzler's return from Galactus' thrall.  We'll assume that means four days.

Date

Monday 24^th to Tuesday 25^th January, 1983.

X-Date

 X+4Y+289 to X+4Y+290.

Contemporary Events

The US, as always, found itself at loggerheads with Iran:

Standout Line

"You're one of the few people I've ever trusted with the knowledge that I'm am mutant -- and yet you seem totally unaware that I might have any special problems because of that fact!"

It's not a brilliantly written slice of dialogue, admittedly, and if Dazzler had said this at the start of the issue rather than the last page, it probably would have helped.  Still, there's a nice nod here to the books sometime metaphor of persecution by the majority, and how claiming to have no problems with someone isn't really worth shit if you run for cover the moment your relationship with them causes you the slightest inconvenience.