X1C #6: "The S-Men"

("I pity the Foo!")

Comments

These Skrulls are fun!  They're all clearly at the Ford Prefect end of the "approach to research" spectrum, but that's what makes them brilliant.  Watching ur-Cylops declare "I will destroy the cage lock with my death eyes!" as Marvel Girl orders Iceboy around is great fun, made all the better by the fact that the X-Men clearly find these impressions of their friends hilarious ("Oh man, Scott!  Why'd you free that thing? "What? Shut up, Drake!"), even as they're finding their own doppelgangers distinctly unflattering ("Platitudinous!  Indubitably!  Ontogeny!  Verbosity!", as "Bestial" puts it).

Go the "S-Men", then!  Mind you, I think they've missed a trick here:

Ironically, Sgt. B. Angel Baracus was scared of flying.

Anway, the young aliens are a gas.  Throw in two oddly cute Mole Man-spawned giant monsters, and you've got a lovely little story going on.

There's a good point buried in here, as well, namely that the X-Men have put massive amounts of time and effort (not to mention repeatedly risking their lives) into building up reputations as heroes, only for the media to instantly paint them as villains the instant some obvious pretenders show up.  As usual, speed and exclusivity beats the crap out of sensible fact-checking. At the end of a week in which major news outlets gave time to commentators to decry an anti-Mormon attack that Obama never used and for which no evidence exists he ever would use [1], it's a point well worth repeating.

Clues

This story takes place over two days.

Apparently either Bobby and Zelda are no longer an item, Bobby is hiding it from his fellow X-Men (Beast aside), or there are two Zelda's who work at Coffee A Go-Go (now renamed Coffee @ Go-Go; that's progress for you).  Or maybe they've had a fight?  We certainly know Bobby is still seeing Zelda at least as late as UXM #47, which is set after this issue.

Date

Tuesday 15^th to Wednesday 16^th April, 1980.

X-Date

X+746 to X+747.

Contemporary Events

The Americans detonate a nuclear bomb in the Nevada desert.

Standout Line

"Building up trust is hard.  Tearing it down is nothing."- Warren.

[1] Isn't interesting that the people who keep claiming accusations of racism against Obama are typically hysterical liberal over-reaction are suddenly telling us that when the Whitehouse suggests Romney is strange, they must secretly mean Mormonism isn't a proper religion?

X1C #5: "The Littlest Frost Giant"

(Cold fusion.)

Comments

Ooooh!  It's all gone a bit arc-plot!  Well, maybe.  It seems the Midgard Vanir have plans for everyone's favourite "elemental", but I've read enough Marvel comics to realise that any given hint of a returning plot-line has at least a 30% chance of never resurfacing again.

Still, it might make for a nice change.  The individual vignettes offered by this title so far have been fun, and it's certainly made placing them in the timeline a good deal less irksome, but sooner or later, a reader needs something firmer to sink their teeth into.

The Midgard Vanir might be a good option.  At first I was surprised and not entirely pleased to see Thor showing up just one issue after Dr Strange guess-starred.  It felt a little bit too much like an attempt to boost sales (though how much of a concern that is with a limited series, I'm not sure: of course, plenty of ongoing titles never make it to eighth issue; just ask Kieron Gillen).

On reflection, though, using Thor as a way of introducing a bevy of Norse villains has the definite advantage of giving the X-Men an enemy to face that's entirely removed from their usual sphere, meaning they can engage in protracted conflict without there needing to be an explanation as to why said battling has never been brought up in "later" issues.

It also allows Parker to set Ymir loose, which no rational human being could object to.  I do feel sorry for Ulf the troll, though...

Clues

This story takes place over a single day.

There's a continuity glitch in this issue: Thor implies he has never met the X-Men before, despite having fought them in UXM #9.

Apparently, there's been sightings of the ice-troll "across the North East", but presumably this could have been taking place whilst the X-Men were battling the demon from the Crimson Cosmos, so there's no reason why this adventure could not take place the following day.

Date

Monday 14^th April, 1980.

X-Date

X+745.

Contemporary Events

The Sahwari Arab Democratic Republic is recognised by Egypt and Libya.

Jean-Paul Sartre dies aged 74.

Standout Line

"In your giant face!" - Iceman.

X1C #4: "Seeing Red"

(Better red than dead.)

Comments

This is an odd choice for a story: a sequel to the events of UXM #33.  The idea that Cyclops brought back a demon from his time in the Crimson Cosmos is a nice one (especially since it ties in well with the idea that only his red-tinted visor can see it), but both the timeline of the original story and the dialogue in this issue make it clear that some time has passed since the Juggernaut was defeated, raising the question of why it's taken so long for the demon to make its presence felt.  Also, notwithstanding Strange's argument that such creatures don't think the way we do, I'm struggling to understand what made the demon decide to possess someone and use him to rebuild and reactivate a damaged Sentinel, which could then be used to attack the X-Men.  That's a lot of thought and effort to put into an action that will likely have the exact opposite of the desired effect.

On the other hand, the basic idea is entirely sound, Strange is competently used, and the obligatory "Why doesn't anyone believe me?" section is gratifyingly brief.

I also like the running joke that seems to be developing regarding the X-Men waiting for their original costumes to be repaired, though since Hank is relying on the mansion staff to sort it out, there may be something of a long wait.  The joke gets funnier still when you realise that presumably this has now happened to both the original costumes and to Jean's redesigns.  I guess the team's threads don't work out any better than the team's holidays.

Clues

Ah.  This buggers things up quite a bit, actually.

The problem here is not a small one: UXM #33 ended with the X-Men realising that Professor X had been kidnapped.  He was only retrieved following the showdown with Factor Three in issue #39, and by #41, the storyline which concludes with Xavier's death had begun.

We also know that for at least a fortnight of the period between those two issues, Xavier was already hidden underground, with Changeling leading the X-Men in his stead.  In order to make later events fit correctly, we'd previously assumed that the switch had taken place very quickly after Factor Three was defeated.  I think that's going to have to change, now; extra time will have to be added in on at least one side of issue #40.  That causes its own problems, though, because we know issue #54 takes place in spring, and I'd like to keep seasonal references correct if at all possible (I've ignored them in the past, but only when they explicitly contradict previous information).

That only gives us an extra sixteen days to work with.  I'll put them after #40 (since it's heavily implied that Frankenstein's Monster was the team's first post-Factor Three encounter), and set this issue on the first day after that issue possible.  Essentially, this issue takes place on the date originally given for UXM #41.

Clearly, the above changes will require a new timeline, but I'll compile that in a few days, once the entirety of the original First Class miniseries has been considered.

This issue takes place over a single day.

Date

Sunday 13^th April, 1980.

X-Date

X+744.

Contemporary Events

The brilliantly named Colleen Clinkenbeard is born.  Amongst other talents, Colleen provides voices for English-language anime cartoons, and also video games.  Apparently she was "Professor Ghost" in the recent Ghostbusters game, reminding us that the glass ceiling is far less of an impediment once you depart the mortal coil.

Standout Line

"When is my pointy mask going to be fixed?" - Marvel Girl.

X1C #3: "A Life Of The Mind"

(The waffle truth...)

Comments

This is a mildly disappointing issue, mainly because the central mystery implies something much more interesting than what we end up with.  It's fun to watch the X-Men figuring out what's going on, but whilst being stuck in their mentor's head has a lot of potential, almost nothing is done with it.

There are some nice touches, though.  I like the idea that Iceman never takes hot showers, and that apparently it's perfectly normal for Xavier to be quaffing red wine over breakfast (or, since this is his subconscious, maybe that's just what he wants to do).  And I certainly hope Xavier does end up calling their qualifications "liberal art degrees".  After all, people might become suspicious if the students stayed at the mansion after graduating in anything that's actually of use.

Plus, no issue in which Bobby has to use his powers of annoyance to save the day can be all that bad.  Step 1: Find Juggernaut. Step 2: Insult Juggernaut until he tries to kill you.  "You've still got it, Bobby."

But does anyone else think that Jean's attempts to tear down the false reality she was trapped in couldn't have waited until after a delicious breakfast?  Cyclops certainly wanted to finish his victuals, at least, and didn't seem too happy about being dragged from the table: "Don't touch that bacon, fat boy!".

Clues

This issue takes place in approximately real time.

We learn in this issue that the team has fought not only the Juggernaut and the Blob (both of which we already knew) but also the Sentinels, meaning that, as assumed, the events of this series must take place after UXM #18.

Let's be kind to the team and assume that they got almost a full week of R&R in the Worthington Florida condo.  We'll further assume that Xavier is trapped within Cerebro on the first night they return.

Date

Sunday 17^th September, 1978.

X-Date

X+170.

Contemporary Events

The Camp David accords are signed between Israel and Egypt.

Standout Line

"WHEE! I mean -- Ah, we're safe!" - Beast.

X1C #2: "The Bird, The Beast, And The Lizard"

(Busman's holiday.)

Comments

It's vacation time again!  Can the X-Men make it four for four (four fours or fors, for Thor's sake!) for holidays interrupted by a sudden crisis?

Of course they can!  It's nice to see the Lizard peek his head out from the pages of Spider-Man every once in a while, and as Angel says, Connors condition is certainly something our heroes can relate to.

There's a a wonderful comparison between Beast and Iceman in this issue.  Beast uses the severed tail of the Lizard (which is a nice nod to reptilian biology, I think) to create a trail of blood the enraged monster will then follow.  This then leads into an ambush in shallow water, where Iceman can freeze the Lizard to the point where Beast can feed it the antidote, returning Connors to normal.

Once this is done, Iceman points out they could just have stuck the drug inside a roast chicken and dangled it from a tree for the Lizard to eat. "Yes... or that." Hank admits sheepishly.  Sometimes it doesn't pay to over-think things.

Scott and Jean are a lot closer to becoming a couple than they technically should be - there's still months of moping and whining to get through, according to the original stories - but I'm more than happy to pretend none of that ever happened.  There's bound to be deviations from the '60s version of events in this book, and this is definitely a change for the better.

Glad to see the dog didn't get eaten after all, though it's a shame that his harridan of a mistress survived as well.  Having those people who refuse to pick up their dog's turds eaten by a giant lizard is exactly the sort of punishment I'll want to consider once I rule the world. 

Clues

This issue takes place over a single day.

The first order of business here is to see whether we can tie this issue to a specific interrupted X-Men holiday.  There are three obvious ones to choose from; those promised in issues UXM #14, #19, and #22.

I think #19 happens too late in the year; whilst Florida in November is presumably still a good deal warmer than New York at that time, there's probably still not much sun-bathing to be done.  If we pick #22, we have to wonder why everyone is having such a wonderful time despite Jean having announced her plan to leave the X-Men. 

Fortunately, issue #14 works perfectly, because we can then place this story as taking place after UXM #18, just as we did with X1C #1.  The implication is that some other mini-adventure has taken place, since the X-Men are on their way back to the mansion, so we'll assume this "missing adventure" took place the day after X1C #1, and therefore place the events of this issue the day after that.

(There is one problem with this approach, which is that the X-Men shouldn't have known about Xavier's jet last issue.  Still, he's using a helicopter now instead.  Maybe something went wrong with the plane and he's wiped their memories.  At any rate, there is no way to place the X1C issues without violating continuity somehow, so as usual we'll take the path of least resistance).

Date

Monday 11^th September, 1978.

X-Date

X+164.

Contemporary Events

Bulgarian dissident Georgi Markov dies in hospital, having been stabbed four days earlier by a ricin-tipped umbrella.

Standout Line

"If I were X, I'd super-charge my wheelchair so I could blast all over the place!  Some big fat tires - how sweet would that be?  Juggernaut comes running in all "I'm the Juggernaut, I can't be stopped -- WHAMMMM!!! I'm spinning out on his face, doing doughnuts all over his head!  Then he's laying there all "Uhh" and I back up and point at him and go "Get back in that ruby, chump!"" - Iceman.

X1C #1: "X-Men 101"

("Did I ever tell you about the time...?")

Comments

I definitely liked this first issue - light, breezy, and fun.  Nothing earth-shattering, but then there's an inherent limit to what Parker can do with a book that by definition can't contain anything the X-Men felt worth discussing at a later date.

Iceman makes for a nice way in to the X-Men's world, lacking the solipsism of Angel, the repressed coolness of Cyclops, or what would surely be the impenetrable verbosity of Beast.  I think Marvel Girl would have worked as well, but I've no problem with the choice made here, especially since there's a nice idea in here that Iceman writing down his observations of the rest of the team is actually helping his own development.  Indeed, I was going to note that Bobby can't send letters home to his parents - not ones that reference his powers, at any rate - since Xavier wiped their memories of Bobby's mutant abilities [2], but ultimately Bobby destroys the letter in any case, because it was the process of writing it that was the important part.

It also gives us a view of how strange life in the mansion is.  Bobby notes that the Professor forbids emails, and that Hank has no idea as to what an X-Box is.  It's a nice nod to the old comics: they didn't take place in the '60s, it's just that the two resident geniuses were both totally uninterested in modern technology, at least as far as recreation went.  Iceman also manages the occasional flash of genuine insight, such as noting how difficult life is for Hank because no-one but the professor has any hope of really understanding him (which contrasts nicely with '60s Beast's depression over never being able to look entirely normal).

All in all, the book does a pretty good job of providing a reminder to old hands, and an introduction to newcomers.  Even the seemingly tacked on mutant threat the issue introduces turns out to help in this regard - a seemingly hostile organism proves to be only trying to defend itself from the unwitting humans who have replaced it.  By watching the way in which this creature is helped by Xavier (who is nicely played as the unreachable and arrogant taskmaster he was back when the X-Men were young), we see how the professor hopes to deal with humanity's own upcoming exposure to the fear of replacement.

The only thing that spoils the issue is some bad jokes.  A swipe (no pun intended) at the idea of Wolverine-style claws falls particularly flat, and reminded me of the That Mitchell and Webb Sound sketch about "Thatcher: The Early Years", in which the "writers" discuss how dropping in a reference to future events can make one look witty and funny without having to bother thinking of a joke.

Clues

This issue takes place over a single day, as evidenced by Iceman's letter.  Frankly, there doesn't seem sufficient time for everything that takes place to fit into daylight hours, but I guess having a private jet is a lot of help when it comes to squeezing the most out of a day.

Since these issues are entirely based around retcons [1], we need to put some effort into ensuring they're correctly placed within the original stories.

The X-Men all know about Cerebro's existence in this issue, which means it must take place after UXM #12, in which the team learn about the machine during the first appearance of the Juggernaut.

Issue #13 follows directly on from #13, and issue #14 begins with Beast still recovering from his injuries sustained at Cain Marko's over sized hands.  Issues #14 to #18 all form a single narrative, which means the earliest this issue can take place is between #18 and #19.  Fortunately, from observing the foliage, we've already been forced to assume that the gap between those issues is almost two months in length, stretching from the first Friday in September to the first day of November.

We'll therefore assume this issue begins on the day after Iceman saves the X-Men from Magneto's hot air balloon.

Date

Saturday 9^th September, 1978.

X-Date

X+162

Contemporary Events

Jack Warner (of Warner Bros. Studios) passes away, aged 86.

Standout Line

"Now I believe Professor Xavier would like you to report to my frontal lobe chamber."

[1] I'm off-topic already, but can the internet please start using that word correctly? A retcon is when continuity is retroactively added, either via an "untold story" (like this one) or when we learn information about a character's past that was previously unknown to us, and for which there's no reason to believe was originally intended to exist (one example would be the ex-fiancee who suddenly becomes really important to Lee Adama in exactly one episode of BSG, and is never mentioned again).

Resolving a mystery is not a retcon. Deliberately leaving something ambiguous and then making it explicit later is not a retcon.  And massively restructuring the cast, locations or narrative of a series isn't a retcon, either.  I don't care how many people were pissed off that Hicks and Newt died off-screen three minutes into Alien3, that isn't a retcon.  It's merely exceptionally fucking lame.

[2] Not that I'm expecting a 2006 comic to stick slavishly to back-up strips from the '60s, but just because I don't mind doesn't mean I don't notice.

The Secondary Phase

Now that we've finished our trip through the initial X-Men run, it's time to think about where to go next.

One option would be to move immediately on to Giant-Sized X-Men, but that leads to the question: how long should we assume took place between hunting the Hulk and the Krakoa fiasco?

There are comics that explore this period, however.  X-Men: The Hidden Years is the most obvious example, but The Champions would also be of use.  That latter comic began five years after The X-Men was cancelled, however, so The Hidden Years would be a better choice.

Unfortunately, said comic is currently absent from the Marvel online database.  I'm in the process of attempting to acquire paper copies, but in the meantime, I'll be exploring the comparatively recent X-Men: First Class title. Said comic contains "untold" adventures of the original line-up, so it makes sense to try to fit them into the current time-line before we proceed any further (and to give me more time to acquire Hidden Years issues).

We start tomorrow at 8am sharp.  Don't be late!