AMA #16: "...And The Juggernaut Will Get You... If You Don't Watch Out!"

(In which Juggernaut becomes so powerful, he smashes the fourth wall.)

Comments

I'm not sure what to make of this one.  Well, that's not strictly true.  I know exactly what to make of this: it's a huge disappointment.  My confusion only comes in when I start trying to figure out how this happened.

Everything was going so well with the Beast's tenure as the star of this title.  The whole spying/disguising idea was a solid enough base, and having Beast, Buzz and Linda all dancing around each other whilst two of them are hiding very different secrets was a lot of fun to watch.  Add in some kind of apocalyptic threat alluded to by Beast's "mysterious" stalker, and the whole package was significantly above average by '70s standards.

And so someone, in their infinite wisdom, decided issue #16 would be the last appearance of Beast, and that the story would be a stand-alone Halloween tale about fighting the Juggernaut (because obviously, the Juggernaut is spooky and scary, and not at all just a big man wearing a copper chamber pot).  We learn that the mystery woman was indeed Zelda, and that the terrifying threat to the globe is in Canada (which is hardly surprising, and note how she sought out Beast rather than wasting any time contacting Alpha Flight), but really, that's pretty weak.  Since I was reading these issues in Essential Classic X-Men: Volume 3, I could at least find out what happened next (in Incredible Hulk #161), but for anyone who was only reading AMA, this must have been absolutely infuriating.

And even having read IHU #161, I still have no idea what happened with Linda Donaldson and the Secret Empire (the invaluable UXM.Net tells me it all went down in Captain America).  It all just strikes me as a stupid way to run the title, especially since the first installment of the replacement storyline wasn't ready for issue #17 in any case, so they had to run an edited version of Beast's origin story from those UXM back-up strips we looked at a while back.

Anyway, with all that aside, this isn't exactly a bad story, but it's horribly pointless.  Juggernaut returns from the dimension he was trapped in, tries to chase down Beast, and ultimately fails and seemingly dies.  There's some nice ideas in there regarding the Beast's attempts to stop Marko, by testing out various scenarios - can electricity knock him out, will he sink in water, and so on - but that's about all.  There's also several scenes in which the actual comic staff show up, helping Beast into town, inviting him to a party, and so on.  I'm sure this all sounded hilariously clever when someone in the office dreamed it up but, much like Supernatural's "The French Mistake", it ends up being more wearying than anything else. [1]

Clues

This issue takes place over a single night.  It's repeatedly confirmed that the story takes place on Halloween, which (as expected) causes us to change the timeline for the entirety of Beast's AMA issues, since they all happen over the course of a week or so.

I don't see any reason not to place this story on the day following AMA #15, then.  The full revised timeline for AMA is below.

AMA 11. The Beast!: Sunday 26^th October, 1980.
AMA 12. Iron Man: D.O.A.: Sunday 26^th to Monday 27^th October, 1980.
AMA 13. Evil is All in Your Mind!: Monday 27^th to Tuesday 28^th October, 1980.
AMA 14. The Vampire Machine: Wednesday 29^th October, 1980.
AMA 15. Murder in Mid-Air!: Wednesday 29^th to Thursday 30^th October, 1980.

Date

Friday 31^st October, 1980.

X-Date

X+2Y+214.

Contemporary Events

The final day of the Mariel boatlift, an exodus of Cuban citizens to the United States that lasted over half a year, and which resulted in the emigration of an eighth of a million people.

Standout Line

"I'll be back, Earth!  I'LL BE BACK!!"

[1] Also appearing briefly is Tom Fagan, a comic fan who organised a yearly comic-themed parade on Halloween in Rutland, Vermont (where this issue takes place) from the mid '60s until the mid '00s.  In reading up about him I discovered this quote from Fagan's obituary in Comic Buyer's Guide (he died in 2008, just ten days before Halloween):

Riding on a float were Thor and Sif, along with the Norn Queen. The Red Skull hitched a ride on the float for no known thematic reason....

It's lines like those that remind me how much I love the world of comic fandom.

AMA #15: "Murder In Mid-Air!"

(Beasts and dogfights.)

Comments

Aw.  It's so nice when Beast can make new friends.  Particularly sexy redhead friends in their negligee.  It's clear Patsy Baxter is a real humanitarian - you wouldn't have thought any woman would want to open their doors in that state of undress (porn stars aside) but she is so devoted to her fellow man that she's entirely happy to let them fall into her whilst scantily clad.  Because she cares.

I can't entirely tell whether her fretting over what her husband would say should he see her tending to the savage Beast (who's now unaccountably turned black, which would surely shock Buzz all the more) like that whole Sarah Palin thing) is supposed to make us understand how risky her behaviour is, or just think that Buzz is a controlling, chauvinistic turd. 

Either way, her administrations keep Hank going for long enough to meet up with Angel (presumably Xavier was feeling generous enough to "let [him] leave").  Interestingly, Warren flies off to help Hank, but since he can't actually recognise his old friend anymore, he's reduced to spectator status as the Beast faces off against a new adversary: the Griffin (who shows up a few times in various 21st century Avengers titles, amongst others, this is his first appearance).  There's something significant in that, of course; in the four-colour world of early superhero comics (not that that "early" qualifier is necessarily essential, of course), it's rare for any confrontation to not have an easily discernible "good guy" and "bad guy", but part of the nature of mutation is precisely that degree of ambiguity regarding whether someone will behave in a manner consistent with their appearance.

This is further true of spies and secret agents, of course, which brings us back to the central theme of these issues.  "Bad guys can't be identified on sight", as Toby Ziegler once said, "There's no use trying."  Hank certainly still hasn't worked out the danger he faces in courting Linda, even though Patsy Baxter doesn't hesitate in lying to her own husband in order to keep him safe, something Linda wouldn't do for her own boyfriend.

(Interestingly, Linda is actually called out on that idiotic move by "Number One", presumed high muckity-muck of the "Secret Empire", and clear fashion inspiration for Cobra Commander, and she claims to be playing the long game by ingratiating herself with the Air Force.  I suspect she's covering up her mistake, actually, but at least it's been nodded to.  Number One also explains that Quasimodo wasn't working for him - the droid had just been intercepting his email - but that Mastermind was.  Which doesn't really make any sense, but whatever.)

Beyond that, this is a fairly light-weight issue.  Hank manages to throw Baxter off the scent, and then joins forces with Angel to beat up the Griffin.  There's nothing wrong with that, of course - and the Griffin's origin story about having his hands amputated and replaced with a lion's paws fits in to the theme of external changes and what it means to be human - but there's not a great deal more to say about it.  Presumably next issue will offer some closure (AMA #17 only has two pages of sexy Beast action), though since it apparently involves the Beast fighting the Juggernaut on Halloween, I'm not completely convinced.

Still, the issue ends with Beast coming face to face with his mysterious stalker at last, so I look forward to finding out what all that was about.

Clues

This issue takes place over a night and a day.

The narration makes it clear that this issue begins the night that Beast is shot by Quasimodo (with a rivet gun, because he's not an android to do things by half).

Date

Thursday 2^nd to Friday 3^rd April, 1981.

X-Date

X+3Y+3 to X+3Y+4.

Contemporary Events

Standout Line

"You may have changed color -- but I won't discriminate: I'll kill you anyway!"

AMA #14: "The Vampire Machine"

("The Beast needs a lesson in death!")

Comments
Even if one could plausibly (albeit cynically) assume that it's mainly done so as to stick Iron Man on the front cover, I do like the start of this issue, with Hank seeking out Iron Man to try and understand what exactly happened at the conclusion of AMA #12.  It's a nicely logical move.   There actual meeting is a bit problematic - this comic doesn't seem able to decide if people should be treating the Beast with fear, revulsion, empathy or respect - but that's a comparatively minor gripe.

The espionage angle - and its attendant ideas about masks and deception - are back in force this issue, after taking a back seat last time round.  The degree of double-dealing has reached truly impressive proportions.  Undercover agent Linda goes to visit Hank to fake concern for his well-being, forcing Hank - who's left most of his disguise at the lab - to pretend to be ill so as to get her to leave.  Once he does, he leaps his way across town to grab the rest of his costume.  Immediately after, he's accosted by Buzz Baxter, who's been looking for him since last night, and demands to know where he's been. 

Hank is busy trying to extricate himself from this potentially very dangerous situation when Linda comes back to the lab, and demands to know why Hank is there.  He fobs her off with some story about rushing back to Brand building in a hurry so as to talk to Buzz, but that just sets the Air Force man off again.   By now presumably sweating rather heavily under his latex mask, Hank then claims he's been with Linda the whole time, hoping she'll lie for him and save him from arrest.

Linda, who is clearly at this point the world's worst spy (she's been whining for days about the chance of losing Hank and therefore failing her mission) refuses to back him up.  It now looks like Beast is for the chop, but before Buzz can have him arrested, reports come in from the soldiers guarding the building that the Beast has been seen somewhere else on the compound, and Buzz rushes off to deal with that.

My fingers ache just from typing all that.  It's brilliant. It's a walk-in wardrobe and an overweight battle-axe away from being a French farce (you might need rid of the guns, though).  And after all that, it turns out that Quasimodo (the Quasi-Motivational Destruct Organism last seen in charge of a giant bee hive filled with evil robots) is the fake Beast seen earlier, and that he works for the same people as Professor Maddicks and Linda Donaldson (not that Hank knows about any of that, yet).

I'm not a huge fan of Quasimodo as a villain, but his appearance here is very appropriate - not only does he want to become fully human, but his problem is both in his appearance and his make-up more generally, just as Beast's is.  Indeed, during their fight, Hank briefly wonders whether or not he should let Quasimodo kill him - suicide by literary figure, essentially - until the hunchbacked robot gets close to actually doing the deed, and Hank chooses life as the Beast over death.  Then, in response to his defeat, it is Quasimodo - himself wearing a mask, of course, as both a fictional character and a flesh and blood organism - that chooses suicide over his continued half life.

That's a pretty major character moment for Hank right there, when you think about it, especially for someone who was so unhappy with himself back when his biggest problem was finding shoes large enough to fit him.  It rounds off what was already an impressive issue, and continues to ensure this story is amongst the very best of those Marvel produced in the early seventies.

Clues

This story takes place over a day and a night.

Buzz Baxter tells McCoy that they started looking for him the previous day, which means this issue starts on the day that follows the night Beast defeated the New Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.

Date

Thursday 2^nd April, 1981.

X-Date

X+3Y+3.

Contemporary Events

The USSR and Canada agree to a payment of three million Canadian dollars to the latter country, as compensation for the impact of multiple radioactive remnants of the Soviet satellite Kosmos 954, which scattered over a large section of Canada in 1978.

Standout Line

"That is not logical! I am your superior in all ways"  I should get that on a t-shirt.  Or possibly adopt it as the family motto.

AMA #13: "Evil Is All In Your Mind!"

("All the fun of the fur.")

Comments

This is a bit of a disappointment after the last two strong issues, I'm afraid.  It's all just too convenient and unexplained.  Why did Mastermind fooling Beast into thinking he murdered Iron Man then give Beast amnesia?  Why does Beast, having joined up with Mastermind, Blob and Unus because they claim to want to help ensure "peace and freedom for all", immediately then agree to help them steal a diamond?  Englehart's subconscious is clearly telling him there's something not quite right with this set-up - Beast even goes so far as to tell himself  "[T]here's no time for thinking now -- there's just time to -- GO!!".  This violates another of the great rules of writing: if your characters explicitly admit that what they're about to do doesn't make sense to them, then you have a problem, even if Beast's mind is churning faster than New England's "kittenishly" swirling fog (now there's a word you don't see in comics enough). 

That's to say nothing of how much the cliched "selective amnesia" storyline annoys me.  How can Hank have no memory of himself, but know who Boris Badenov is?

We're also getting further from the basic idea of James Bond as angry monster idea the first two installments played with (almost kittenishly).  Having the mutants hide out at a carnival clashes somewhat with the industrial espionage angle (and yes, I know there was a circus in Octopussy, but that film is shit on toast).  It also means that the scenes which don't involve Beast are the most interesting - not a good sign - with an Air Force investigator arriving to help with security (much to Linda Donaldson's annoyance) and the arrival of a mystery woman who is putting her hope in Hank (Vera, maybe?)

I do like Mastermind's plan, at least.  Clearly (despite his boasts) he can't create an illusion of a diamond convincing enough to fool a true expert, so letting them examine a real diamond and hitting them with an illusion afterwards is nicely sneaky, as is "selling" the same diamond multiple times (though presumably word will get out eventually about what's going on).  Locking Blob and Unus into a tight cage where their powers work against each other (in effect, creating a sickeningly jiggly perpetual motion machine) is a lovely idea as well.  It just requires too much silliness to set it up.

Clues

This story takes place over a night and a day.

Pat Baxter complains that the "April showers" are giving her a cold.  That's an interesting line, considering the issue was released in July.  Maybe Engelhart was working ahead of time.  Either way, this presents us with a problem.  It doesn't sound like Pat is being anything other than literal, which means we're going to have to fast forward the timeline by some six months.  I don't think this will last, actually, since AMA #16 is a Halloween issue, which will drag us right back to October.

For now, though the revised timeline for AMA is:

AMA 11. The Beast!: Monday 30^th March, 1981.
AMA 12. Iron Man: D.O.A.: Monday 30^th to Tuesday 31^st March, 1981.

Date

Tuesday 31^st March to Wednesday 1^st April, 1981.

X-Date

X+3Y to X+3Y+1.

Contemporary Events

US President Ronald Reagan recovers in George Washington University Hospital after being shot in the chest by John Hinckley, Jr.

Standout Line

"Hey -- watch the puddles!  These trunks aren't a bathing suit!" The Blob reminds us that a massive obese man can only pull off being all but naked in public if they remain dry at all times.  Good to know.

XHY #7: "Power Play"

(Delugions of grandeur.)

Comments

I imagine this issue must have sharply divided fan opinion when it first came out.  A lot rides on whether or not you can believe that Beast could design a lens out of raindrops, that Storm could then create, and which would let a specific form of sunlight through that would immediately both wake Cyclops up and super-charge him, so that he can overload an energy-storing mutant who can consume the kinetic power of a storm the size of a hemisphere.

For everyone who found that too hard to swallow, this issue must struck them as absolutely terrible.  For everyone else, it would only have been preternaturally boring.

Still, at least this first story is finally over.  Well, partly, at least.  Iceman is still in the clutches of Karl Lykos (though Bryne still won't call him by name, because he has no understanding of how suspense is supposed to work), who's apparently taken up residence in an area so inhospitable even Nazi explorers choose to poison themselves rather than finish unpacking (now there's a story that might be worth reading), and Havok and Lorna are still nosing around the remnants of the Nhu-Gari city.  Angel and Avia are apparently going to be sold to the circus, because 21st century Scandinavia is exactly the sort of place you'd expect indentured servitude for freaks to still be going on.

60% of the team are back, though, and just in time to meet up with the Fantastic Four!  I guess next time round this book is going to be even more like First Class.  Only, you know, without pacing or jokes or a decent plot, or what have you.  Hell, if Bryne can avoid another three page flashback as the villain narrates his origin story to himself, then that would be a start..

Clues

The majority of this issue takes place over the course of a few hours, but there's a seventy-five hour gap in which Hank, Scott and Jean travel back home.

Date

Friday 27^th to Monday 30^th June, 1980.

X-Date

X+2Y+88 to X+2Y+91.

Compression Constant

1 Marvel year = 3.15 standard years.

(Iceman is 31 years old.)

"What's with all these... ropes..?"

Contemporary Events

Vigdis Finnbogadottir becomes the fourth President of Iceland, and the first female head of state to be democratically elected.

Standout Line

"To borrow from a certain Mr. Skywalker... 'I have a bad feeling about this...'" Goddamn you, Bryne, do you realise what you've done?  You've managed to make George Lucas dialogue seem snappy and insightful!  I feel like I need a shower...

AMA #12: "Iron Man: D.O.A."

(Double-O Feral)

Comments

Oh, I get it.  This is some kind of superhero/spy thriller fusion (plus the horror angle, natch).  Hence Linda working for... whomever she's working for, and Beast getting dolled up in a latex mask and gloves (which I can't believe ever works, but I love the original Mission: Impossible series far too much to object).  Wheels within wheels, mask atop masks, and so on and so forth.

It's a nice approach, though I'm not sure whether it necessarily gels entirely with Iron Man showing up and throwing his ferrous weight around.  Of course, there's plenty of gaudy, glinting spy stories out there - James Bond never encountered a man in personal mechanised armour (I don't think), but he did get himself an invisible car, and that was at least twenty years after everyone involved should have known better.  It also leads to one of Marvel's more believable hero fights (and I most certainly include Civil War in that) - having Beast attack Iron Man in defence of a woman he refuses to even consider might not be on the level makes total sense.  It also allows the realisation that Beast is becoming increasingly animalistic in thought as well as appearance to flavour the story, rather than overwhelm it.

And really, who can blame Henry for refusing to look to closely at the woman he loves (even though he's trying to tell himself he doesn't, now that he resembles a Dr Seuss character in its twilight years)?  His whole existence has now become entirely based on not allowing anyone to look at him too closely.  Whether it's subconscious reciprocation, or Hank's obvious self-involvement (significant before he took the serum, and little short of impenetrable now), it's hardly any wonder he doesn't feel like looking a gift horse in the mouth.

I'm trying to remember if Hank is always this bullet-proof.  Certainly, his healing factor in this issue is probably slightly superior to Wolverine's, which certainly doesn't last, but it's something I'll keep an eye on as this blog continues.

I shall finish up by offering up points for the finish.  Anyone who got to the end of this issue and was surprised to learn Hank hadn't killed Tony Stark is clearly too gullible for us to waste our time on, but revealing Mastermind is deliberately manipulating Beast for his own ends is definitely in the top tier of get-outs, at least as far as the '70s are concerned.

Clues

This issue takes place over two nights, the first of which is explicitly mentioned as being the night of Hank's metamorphosis

Date

Friday 2^nd to Saturday 3^rd October, 1980.

X-Date

X+2Y+150 to X+2Y+151.

Contemporary Events

Zimbabwe breaks diplomatic ties with South Africa, less than a year after the former nation gained independence.

Standout Line

"He's the only one of us you've allowed to leave." What the hell is going on over at Xavier's, anyway?  Is this why UXM went dark for half a decade?  I'm really not sure I'm prepared to process this.

AMA #11: "The Beast!"

("Tale as old as time")

Comments

There are two reasons I love the opening to this comic.  The first is that it's in second person, which is both very rare and exceptionally difficult to make work (the latter almost certainly explains the former, of course).  It would probably seem absurdly melodramatic these days, but in a comic from the early '70s - especially one about humanity's "inner beast" - it works quite well.

The other reason is that the guy who's trying to steal secrets from the Brand Corporation (earning him a drop-kick from McCoy) is doing it purely because he's deep in debt.  He's not a violent criminal, or a Kingpin hood, or an agent of HYDRA, he's just some normal schmuck down on his luck and desperate.  Again, for the time in which this is written, that's pleasingly unusual.  (Plus, there's some in media res, for the record).

Of course, then the issue goes and pisses away all that good will by trying to make me believe Hank McCoy, a man with an IQ score so high you could beat the Indian Test team with it (not that that's particularly difficult these days), would lose track of time on an evening when failing to get back in time would cost him his humanity.  I suppose you can put together an explanation about the formulae screwing with his awesome brain powers (particularly since Beast apparently completely forgets about his intended mission), but it still feels massively weaksauce.  I guess that's something I just have to get over. And at least the ego-stroking angle to him taking the solution in the first place makes perfect sense (like there's no other option to take down Professor Maddicks other than swigging down a totally untested serum designed for non-mutants.)

The issue also manages to include a flashback to Beast leaving the X-Men which feels neither unnecessary nor mawkish. As introductory issues go, it's working extremely well, even if it must surely have been possible to come up with a better explanation for Hank getting stuck as the Beast (just off the top of my head: the security guards who open fire on the snooping mook take out a vital component of Hank's lab as well).

This is the first time I've read this issue as anything higher up the academic ladder than a PhD student, and I have to admit it made me chuckle in sympathy for poor old Hank.  Lesson number one about research fellowships: there is a 90% chance that any given person you work with will be an intolerable shitburger, as Hank finds out.  And whilst they don't all turn out to be enemy agents actively plotting your death, if they were, you could bet they'd be stupid enough to leave their door open whilst they talk to their boss-slash-assassin.

It's interesting that Hank has spent his time distilling " the chemical cause of mutation!", and immediately starts thinking about how it could turn average people into mutants.  It's a nice inverse to Joss Whedon's Kavita Rao story, thirty years later.

And, as much as I love the beginning of this issue, the ending is better - a dip back into second-person perspective and the revelation that Beast's new girlfriend is an enemy agent? What better way to rewrite Beauty and the Beast could there be but to make Beauty secretly a conniving, murderous bitch?

Clues

Just as we did when starting First Class Finals, we'll add a week on to the count to leave us some wiggle room.  We then have to add to that the time it takes for Hank to court and fall in love with Linda, and for the weeks that follow their first kiss. I'd have thought that would require at least a month, but Hank implies its only been three weeks.  I guess that guy falls in love fast.

Date

Friday 2^nd October, 1980.

X-Date

X+2Y+150.

Contemporary Events

Larry "The Easton Assassin" Holmes beats Muhammad Ali by TKO.

Standout Line

"Should have thought about clothes--"