Timeline: 1983 Jan - Jun (Take 5)

January

6^th      DAZ 6: The Hulk can be Hazardous to Your Health!
7^th      DAZ 6: The Hulk can be Hazardous to Your Health!
8^th      DAZ 6: The Hulk can be Hazardous to Your Health!
8^th      DAZ 7: Fort Apache, the Hulk!
9^th      DAZ 7: Fort Apache, the Hulk!
11^th    DAZ 8: Hell... Hell is for Harry!
12^th    DAZ 8: Hell... Hell is for Harry!
12^th    DAZ 9: The Sound and the Fury!
13^th    DAZ 9: The Sound and the Fury!
14^th    DAZ 9: The Sound and the Fury!
15^th    DAZ 9: The Sound and the Fury!
16^th    DAZ 9: The Sound and the Fury!
17^th    DAZ 9: The Sound and the Fury!
18^th    DAZ 9: The Sound and the Fury!
19^th    DAZ 9: The Sound and the Fury!
19^th    DAZ 10: In the Darkness... a Light!
19^th    DAZ 11: ...Lest ye be Judged!
20^th    DAZ 11: ...Lest ye be Judged!
24^th    DAZ 12: Endless Hate
25^th    DAZ 12: Endless Hate

February

4^th   UXM 144: Even in Death...
5^th   UXM 144: Even in Death...
8^th    DAZ 13: Trial... and Terror!
9^th    DAZ 13: Trial... and Terror!
21^st DAZ 14: ...Without Getting Killed or Caught!...
24^th DAZ 15: Private Eyes
25^th DAZ 15: Private Eyes
28^th UXM 145: Kidnapped!
28^th UXM 146: Murderworld!
28^th DAZ 16: Black Magic Woman!

March

1^st       UXM 145: Kidnapped!
1^st        UXM 146: Murderworld!
1^st        UXM 147: Rogue Storm!
1^st        DAZ 16: Black Magic Woman!
2^nd     UXM 148: Cry, Mutant!
3^rd      UXM 148: Cry, Mutant!
4^th      UXM 148: Cry, Mutant!
5^th      UXM 148: Cry, Mutant!
6^th      UXM 148: Cry, Mutant!
8^th      UXM 149: And the Dead Shall Bury the Living!
8^th      UXM 150: I, Magneto!
9^th      WOL #1: Wolverine
10^th    WOL 1: Wolverine
11^th    WOL 1: Wolverine
12^th    WOL 1: Wolverine
13^th    WOL 2: Debts and Obligations
18^th    DAZ 17: The Angel and the Octopus!
19^th    DAZ 17: The Angel and the Octopus!
20^th    WOL 3: Loss
20^th    DAZ 17: The Angel and the Octopus!
21^st    DAZ 17: The Angel and the Octopus!
23^rd    WOL 4: Honor

April

1^st    DAZ 18: The Absorbing Man Wants you!
2^nd   DAZ 18: The Absorbing Man Wants you!
7^th   UXM Annual 5: Ou, La La -- Badoon!
8^th   UXM 151: X-Men Minus One!
9^th   UXM 151: X-Men Minus One!
10^th UXM 151: X-Men Minus One!
11^th UXM 151: X-Men Minus One!
11^th UXM 152: The Hellfire Gambit!
12^th UXM 152: The Hellfire Gambit!
13^th UXM 153: Kitty's Fairy Tale
26^th UXM 154: Reunion
27^th UXM 155: First Blood
27^th UXM 156: Pursuit!
28^th UXM 156: Pursuit!
28^th UXM 157: Hide-'N'-Seek!

May

3^rd   UXM 158: The Life That Late I Led...
7^th  UXM 159: Night Screams!
8^th   UXM 159: Night Screams!
9^th   UXM 159: Night Screams!
10^th UXM 159: Night Screams!
11^th UXM 160: Chutes and Ladders!
13^th UXM Annual 6: Blood Feud!
14^th UXM Annual 6: Blood Feud!
15^th UXM 161: Gold Rush!
16^th UXM 161: Gold Rush!

June

6^th   UXM 162: Beyond the Farthest Star
7^th   UXM 162: Beyond the Farthest Star
8^th   UXM 163: Rescue Mission!
8^th   UXM 164: Binary Star!
9^th   UXM 164: Binary Star!
9^th   UXM 165:Transfigurations!
10^th UXM 165: Transfigurations!
10^th UXM 166: Live Free or Die!
11^th UXM 166: Live Free or Die!
12^th MGN 4: Renewal
13^th MGN 4: Renewal
14^th MGN 4: Renewal
15^th MGN 4: Renewal
16^th MGN 4: Renewal
17^th MGN 4: Renewal
18^th MGN 4: Renewal
19^th MGN 4: Renewal
20^th MGN 4: Renewal
21^st MGN 4: Renewal
22^nd MGN 4: Renewal
23^rd MGN 4: Renewal
24^th MGN 4: Renewal
25^th MGN 4: Renewal
26^th MGN 4: Renewal
27^th MGN 4: Renewal
28^th MGN 4: Renewal
29^th MGN 4: Renewal
30^th MGN 4: Renewal

DAZ #18: "The Absorbing Man Wants You!"

(Ingratitude and incandescence.)

Comments

Today's comic answers one of the most persistent and fascinating questions in the Marvel Universe: do the Thing's rocky lips allow him to play woodwind?

The answer, True Believers, is yes.  He's absolutely no good at it, but he has just about enough skills, accompanied by the Human Torch on guitar, to provide backing for Alison as the three jam out in the Baxter Building.

Turns out, this isn't entirely a social call, though.  Mr Fantastic has a new invention for Dazzler, a device which gives off a massive amount of sound that she can process to create exceptionally brilliant light shows. 

Dazzler reacts like he's passed over a self-administered rohypnol kit.  Gods, Alison has been a pain these last couple of issues.  Maybe Reed shouldn't have called it a weapon (referring to it as a can of mace, as he does later on, is a much better idea), but watching Dazzler throw a strop about how she only wants to be a singer is infuriatingly ungrateful, and totally unmindful of her own history.  Since she started up her singing career, Dazzler has been possessed once, kidnapped at least four times, been attacked by witches, demons and aliens, and been forced to face off against Doctor Doom, the Hulk and She-Hulk, and motherfucking Galactus.  It's like being offered a better deal on car insurance and screaming that you don't intend to be a drag racer.

Eventually the FF talk Dazzler into accepting her present, mainly because Dazzler finally recalls just how many supervillains have tried to take chunks out of her recently, but rather than apologise, or even admit Reed has a point, she states she will only use it in order to improve her stage act.  Reed offers to show her how to work it, but she blows him off.  He's only a fucking super-genius with no communication skills, how important can a demonstration be.

(So does she practice with it before using it on-stage?  Does she hell.  She just grabs it, turns it on, and temporarily blinds her entire audience.  Because massively powerful weapons might need tinkering with before you use them as stage-props. Did she learn nothing from Techmaster?  And obviously, she immediately blames Reed entirely, for leaving the dial turned to "IMMEDIATE DANGER!!!" instead of "upcoming finale."  First she blames Angel for her cheating on Ken with him, and now it's Reed's fault she waves a loaded gun at her audience only to claim surprise when it goes off.  I liked this character an awful lot more when she understood the concept of personal responsibility.)

Speaking of Angel, what else is going on in our characters' lives?  Well, Angel himself has flown over to the house of Dazzler's father, and explains his cunning plan to Carter's mother. You'd assume this was an obvious dead end, to be honest, since it's hard to imagine Alison's grandmother knows anything about Katherine Blaire that she hasn't shared with Alison herself.  On the other hand, if anyone is going to be arrogant enough to assume Dazzler just wasn't up to the job of quizzing her grandmother, it's going to be Warren.

Meanwhile, Carter himself is in a frightful state.  Confronting Alison after she rifled through her mother's boxes has apparently brought an awful lot back, too much it seems for him to handle.  I feel more than a little sorry for anyone who's future is riding on his judgements today.

Lastly, we take a look in on the Absorbing Man, who's arrived in town to get his long-delayed revenge on the Avengers.  For reasons I don't entirely understand (presumably either an editor-mandated explanation, or blatant page filling), we're treated to an extended flashback letting us know what Creel has been up to lately.  Frankly, this is another one of those occasions where the flashbacks seem a much better story than what's going on right now (making this the exact opposite of Lost, of course) - Creel battles the Hulk somewhere in Polynesia, is knocked out mid-way through absorbing the properties of the island they're fighting on, and goes all Jasconius as he's awoken by a tribe he immediately takes over.

Of course, total control probably isn't all it's cracked up to be when your followers have nothing to offer but coconuts and grass skirts, so he's back in town to get him some payback.  And in order to do that, he needs our heroine.

Meanwhile, Alison has taken Ken to a baseball game (he doesn't like the sport, but he's happy to go along because of understanding the concept first described by Carl Jung as "not being a pissy bitch"). Not surprisingly, he wants to talk about the night Dazzler unceremoniously chucked him out of her apartment, and whether Warren was involved.  It's a little hard for him to hold Alison's attention, though ; he's just her boyfriend, and she has a game to watch and an angel to daydream about.

The next night, Dazzler is gearing up for a gig (the one where she sears the retinae of everyone in the building), and the Absorbing Man, having already threatened Harry and Lance, bursts into the venue.  He knows that the Avengers are fans, and wants to exchange her life for theirs.  So guess what Dazzler needs now?  Maybe some kind of weapon?  It's too late, though, she's left it in her dressing room following the rods-and-cones apocalypse a few minutes earlier.  Creed gets to the device before she does.

All is not necessarily lost, however.  Creel doesn't know that Dazzler is a mutant, and assumes the sound-generator is a light-generator, so it's pretty easy to get him to turn it on.  Then, whilst he's overcome by the cacophony, Dazzler has the opportunity to soak up the vibrations and blast the Absorbing Man to hell.

That was the plan, at least.  Instead, Creel absorbs everything Alison can throw at him, and in the process becomes a fifteen-foot being of angry, angry light.  This, as might be obvious, is Not Good...

Clues

This story takes place over two days.  It's also described as early April, which is a bit surprising, given Crusher Creel arrived in New York a few days after Alison got a letter dated early March.  There's also the fact that Angel seems to have only just begun his search for Katherine.

I suppose one could assume that Creel has changed motels at least once since he got to NYC - especially considering he starts smashing up this one as soon as he gets there.  It's also possible that Angel has just been too flighty (no pun intended, kind of) to get down to business until now.  On the other hand, it can't have been too long, as Ken has only just gotten around to asking about the Angel situation.

Let's assume that Spider-Woman's letter was delayed by an extra week, and that this story takes place about a week and a half after the fight with Doctor Octopus.  That puts it at the very start of April, just after the conclusion of the first Wolverine limited series, and just before UXM Annual #5.

Date

Friday 1^st to Saturday 2^nd of April, 1983.

X-Date

X+5Y+31 to X+5Y+32.

Contemporary Events

Matt Lanter is born, an American actor best known to geeks as the voice of Annakin Skywalker in The Clone Wars series (the mediocre CGI one, not the phenomenal earlier version).

Standout Line

"I was just gettin' into the "Tiger Rag"!"
"What?  But I was playin' "Purple Haze"!" - The Thing and the Torch.

NMU #2: "Sentinels"

(Aliens, robots, and Spielberg.  Not AI, thank fuck.)

Comments

Holodecks piss me off.  You can talk about replicators and tractor beams and hard-light projections all you want, I don't see how you can travel for hours, or get too far apart, and not bump into a wall.

The Danger Room works according to much more sensible parameters, which is good news for Dani, considering she's trapped inside with a flesh-hungry monster.  Escaping the initial charge, she clambers up an escarpment that she assumes disguises the wall, and works her way around, hoping to find the door. 

What she finds instead is a Brood Queen.  That's not even a near miss.  Alien Fiend #2 explains that since Dani has picked up on the creature's presence (presumably that's why she ran in terror from the Danger Room - "Xavier" had arranged a little "accident"), Psyche has to die. Broodie then pushes Dani from the ledge to the floor below which, since the Danger Room can't be more than thirty feet tall, doesn't really strike me as a sufficiently certain method of execution.

Elsewhere, Dani's team-mates and Stevie Hunter are leaving Foxy's cinema, which is showing E.T., rather than the soft-core porn implied by the name.  Rahne's managed to get herself over-stimulated all the same, and is in floods of tears over the "wee bairn's" return home.  If it were me, I'd be crying because my first exposure to cinema was that piece of anodyne sentimental crap, but that's hardly all that separates me from the young Ms Sinclair.

While our young heroes interact awkwardly with the local teenagers ("We're international terrorists!"), Stevie heads off to find a phone and check all is well in the mansion.  There's a crisis developing far closer to them, though - the group are under surveillance by Henry Gyrich, head of Project: WIDEAWAKE, alongside his political ally, Sebastian Shaw.

This is where things get interesting, and provide another example of how far the X-books have come since their original creation.  Gyrich isn't the from the unreasoning, hyperbolic bigot mould first exhibited by the Trask family.  Indeed, when Sebastian Shaw suggests the idea that mutants are eventually liable to replace humanity, Gyrich dismisses this as, at worst, a problem for the future.  Instead, his concern is much more sensible: what happens if an antagonistic foreign power happens to be where the next ludicrously powerful mutant is born?  With the benefit of hindsight, things didn't really work out that way - mutants ended up pretty much considering themselves their own nationality, eventually more-or-less literally, but it's an entirely sensible concern, entirely in keeping with the foreign policy approach of the  US government: how can we pre-emptively screw over everyone in the world?

That's why Gyrich has hired Shaw to put together a new generation of Sentinels.  Of course, Shaw has no real intention of defending the US, but his position within WIDEAWAKE is providing him with plenty of intel and, more importantly, the opportunity to make sure it all goes tits up, leading to an awful lot of pissed-off mutants he can recruit.  Sneaky.

Gyrich's plan is to "escort" the New Mutants to a WIDEAWAKE facility, and study their genetic make-up (as always, constitutional rights mysteriously vanishing whenever the most general and hypothetical national security threat can be drummed up).  Fortunately for the good guys, someone else has gotten wind of the plan, and grabs Stevie to lay things out.  This is Michael Rossi, a former partner (in more than one sense) of Carol Danvers, and he views WIDEAWAKE as "technically illegal", which is certainly true of their plan to snatch minors from the street.  A group of agents attempt this moments later, but the arrival of Rossi encourages the mutants to fight back, making short work of their would-be kidnappers.

That's when a trio of Sentinels arrive.  Rossi is quickly gassed into unconsciousness, but Roberto has the presence of mind to leave him with the women whilst he and Sam fight back.  Ah, Sunspot.  So confident, so arrogant, so disinterested in how anybody feels about his spectacular sexism.  In fairness, he and Sam do manage to take on a pair of Sentinels (of course, they have by far the most destructive powers, which says something in itself, actually, at least until Magma shows up), though perhaps with a little help, 'Berto might have been able to avoid obliterating half the mall in the process of decapitating his enemy.
   
Sam's opponent is made of sterner stuff, knocking him out and taking to the air.  In response, Karma possesses her team-mate, allowing him to fight back against his captor.  This then leaves Karma helpless, but by now Rossi has recovered, and he and Sunspot are able to run interference until Sam, now also awake, brings his erstwhile kidnapper back to earth at full speed, cannoning into the final Sentinel and destroying both robots.

With the crisis passed, the young mutants hang around just long enough for Karma to force the head agent into a confession.  She describes herself as deeply uncomfortable with the idea, which is further evidence that these people don't think at all like me - I think it's an act of vicious genius.  That done, they head home, only to find Dani unconscious in the Danger Room.  As it wearyingly predictable, Stevie refuses to believe Dani, suggesting it was a mix-up with the room's scenario files.

Except (and this is great), she doesn't really doubt Psyche at all, she's just pretending (presumably to keep the kids from freaking out).  She knows full well that only three people who could have de-activated the safety protocols.  One of them is in Britain, one of them is her.

The third one is Charles.

Clues

This story follows on immediately from the preceding one, and takes place over the course of a few hours.

Stevie describes the X-Men's kidnapping as having taken place "months ago".  By our time-line it's been a little over seven weeks, but that's not too far off.

Date

Wednesday 6^th of July, 1983.

X-Date

X+5Y+97.

Contemporary Events

The Polish Air Force encounter a UFO near Slupsk.  The story goes that an interceptor pilot described it a steel-grey, spinning object, which disappeared when the pilot received the order to fire.  Whether this sound less or more far-fetched than the comic summary above is entirely down to personal taste.

Standout Line

"I love your hair, girl... are you punk or new-wave?"
"I'm Scots."

Timeline: 1983 Jan - Jun (Take 4)

January

6^th      DAZ 6: The Hulk can be Hazardous to Your Health!
7^th      DAZ 6: The Hulk can be Hazardous to Your Health!
8^th      DAZ 6: The Hulk can be Hazardous to Your Health!
8^th      DAZ 7: Fort Apache, the Hulk!
9^th      DAZ 7: Fort Apache, the Hulk!
11^th    DAZ 8: Hell... Hell is for Harry!
12^th    DAZ 8: Hell... Hell is for Harry!
12^th    DAZ 9: The Sound and the Fury!
13^th    DAZ 9: The Sound and the Fury!
14^th    DAZ 9: The Sound and the Fury!
15^th    DAZ 9: The Sound and the Fury!
16^th    DAZ 9: The Sound and the Fury!
17^th    DAZ 9: The Sound and the Fury!
18^th    DAZ 9: The Sound and the Fury!
19^th    DAZ 9: The Sound and the Fury!
19^th    DAZ 10: In the Darkness... a Light!
19^th    DAZ 11: ...Lest ye be Judged!
20^th    DAZ 11: ...Lest ye be Judged!
24^th    DAZ 12: Endless Hate
25^th    DAZ 12: Endless Hate

February

4^th   UXM 144: Even in Death...
5^th   UXM 144: Even in Death...
8^th    DAZ 13: Trial... and Terror!
9^th    DAZ 13: Trial... and Terror!
21^st DAZ 14: ...Without Getting Killed or Caught!...
24^th DAZ 15: Private Eyes
25^th DAZ 15: Private Eyes

28^th UXM 145: Kidnapped!
28^th UXM 146: Murderworld!
28^th DAZ 16: Black Magic Woman!

March

1^st       UXM 145: Kidnapped!
1^st        UXM 146: Murderworld!
1^st        UXM 147: Rogue Storm!
1^st        DAZ 16: Black Magic Woman!
2^nd     UXM 148: Cry, Mutant!
3^rd      UXM 148: Cry, Mutant!
4^th      UXM 148: Cry, Mutant!
5^th      UXM 148: Cry, Mutant!
6^th      UXM 148: Cry, Mutant!
8^th      UXM 149: And the Dead Shall Bury the Living!
8^th      UXM 150: I, Magneto!
9^th      WOL #1: Wolverine
10^th    WOL 1: Wolverine
11^th    WOL 1: Wolverine
11^th    DAZ 17: The Angel and the Octopus!
12^th    WOL 1: Wolverine
12^th    DAZ 17: The Angel and the Octopus!
13^th    WOL 2: Debts and Obligations
13^th    DAZ 17: The Angel and the Octopus!
14^th    DAZ 17: The Angel and the Octopus!
20^th    WOL 3: Loss
23^rd    WOL 4: Honor

April

7^th   UXM Annual 5: Ou, La La -- Badoon!
8^th   UXM 151: X-Men Minus One!
9^th   UXM 151: X-Men Minus One!
10^th UXM 151: X-Men Minus One!
11^th UXM 151: X-Men Minus One!
11^th UXM 152: The Hellfire Gambit!
12^th UXM 152: The Hellfire Gambit!
13^th UXM 153: Kitty's Fairy Tale
26^th UXM 154: Reunion
27^th UXM 155: First Blood
27^th UXM 156: Pursuit!
28^th UXM 156: Pursuit!
28^th UXM 157: Hide-'N'-Seek!

May

3^rd   UXM 158: The Life That Late I Led...
7^th  UXM 159: Night Screams!
8^th   UXM 159: Night Screams!
9^th   UXM 159: Night Screams!
10^th UXM 159: Night Screams!
11^th UXM 160: Chutes and Ladders!
13^th UXM Annual 6: Blood Feud!
14^th UXM Annual 6: Blood Feud!
15^th UXM 161: Gold Rush!
16^th UXM 161: Gold Rush!

June

6^th   UXM 162: Beyond the Farthest Star
7^th   UXM 162: Beyond the Farthest Star
8^th   UXM 163: Rescue Mission!
8^th   UXM 164: Binary Star!
9^th   UXM 164: Binary Star!
9^th   UXM 165:Transfigurations!
10^th UXM 165: Transfigurations!
10^th UXM 166: Live Free or Die!
11^th UXM 166: Live Free or Die!
12^th MGN 4: Renewal
13^th MGN 4: Renewal
14^th MGN 4: Renewal
15^th MGN 4: Renewal
16^th MGN 4: Renewal
17^th MGN 4: Renewal
18^th MGN 4: Renewal
19^th MGN 4: Renewal
20^th MGN 4: Renewal
21^st MGN 4: Renewal
22^nd MGN 4: Renewal
23^rd MGN 4: Renewal
24^th MGN 4: Renewal
25^th MGN 4: Renewal
26^th MGN 4: Renewal
27^th MGN 4: Renewal
28^th MGN 4: Renewal
29^th MGN 4: Renewal
30^th MGN 4: Renewal

DAZ #17: "The Angel And The Octopus!"

(Or: "Three Assholes Act Like Assholes")

Comments

Aw! Alison and Ken are getting all loved-up on the streets of New York.  That's so cute!  And dangerous! They're too busy making kissy-faces to take basic safety proportions, and as a result, their jumped by muggers.  Dazzler fights them off with her powers, but poor old Ken is far too shaken up to continue their date, and has to be bundled into a taxi.

Back home, Dazzler strips off - obviously - and once more does so whilst reminding us of what's been going on over the last few issues.  It's not exactly Game of Thrones style "sexposition", but it's most certainly at least a distant cousin.  She's also not sure about whether she's best off with a baseline human, who's so useless in a fight it forces her to break out her own super-powers.  On the other hand, as she notes, if she was with another super-human, she'd have to deal with all the baggage they'd bring with them.  It's interesting it doesn't occur to her to consider the other direction here: maybe Ken would rather have to be the one expected to face down street toughs if meant his girlfriend wouldn't end up disappearing from planes or being pulled in front of a judge on a murder rap.

Still, later that day (after being hired to lay down some backing vocals for what turns out to be a Bruce Harris record - that's going to be a shock for him when he checks out the sleeve notes), she's offered the chance to see how the other half lives.  Warren Worthington has tracked her down, and he's hoping for a date.

Clearly though he's left his brain and his charm in his other wing-harness.  Holding out glossy magazines with covers showing you hanging out with bikini-clad models is probably not a good way to commence your flirting.  Chasing a fleeing woman onto a bus and cornering her in the park is worse, even before you start taking your coat off  - "I have something to show you" (I suppose it makes sense that Warren would be so desperate that he not have to tell her his name that he'd risk being mistaken for a well-manicured flasher, but it's still not comfortable to watch).  Angel explains that he's having second thoughts about his current long-term relationship, and, having met Dazzler all of twice, he's decided she might be able to help "sort his life out."

To sum up, then, Warren has flown to New York carrying a magazine with himself on the cover, in order to show to a woman he barely knows, all so she'll let him ask her out on a date so he doesn't have to think about his current girlfriend for a while.

Wow.  I once watched met terrifyingly unpleasant mathematician at a conference at which, having been very publicly shot down in flames by his first choice of foreign girl, immediately tried it on with someone else, telling her "You are the most attractive woman remaining."  I think Warren's c has actually managed to make that guy's chat-up routine seem comparatively impressive.

Of course, Warren does have two major advantages: he's rich and pretty.  I once got into a long, involved and intense conversation with two of my friends (including the second recipient of the slimy Russian's attentions described above) about the validity of the statement "Their actions would have been really creepy if they hadn't been so gorgeous".  I mean, sure, one's response to an actual proposition depends on who's doing the asking, but stalking someone across half a country is fucked up no matter how good they look.

Alison gets this, I think, at least to some extent, though by telling Warren she's "flattered and touched" by his offer is somewhat too kind to the guy, I think.  Maybe if she'd been a little more forceful, he wouldn't have tailed her to her dinner date with Ken and bought the restaurant in an attempt to impress her.  This time she does pretty much tell him to go fuck himself, but she still can't stop thinking about him , and eventually throws Ken out of her apartment that night, both because she keeps almost calling him "Warren", and because she's pissed off that he's not acting jealous.  Which, by the way, screw you, lady.  The only possible problem with Ken's behaviour is that he might have been better calling the police on your lunatic stalker.  Let's all try to be adults here, shall we?

Once Ken has gone, Angel quite literally swoops in, knocking at Alison's window, because that's not creepy at all.  Alison finally relents, because women don't know their own minds, or something, and allows Angel to take her for a "spin".  She thinks he means by car, but instead he grabs her and takes flight.  The view's better, no doubt, but if she changes her mind, there's not much she can do.  If Angel had taken her out in his car, this would be like locking Dazzler inside.  Shit, as the kids say on the corners, be fucked up.

Rather disappointingly, Warren's routine works like a charm.  By the time he "Whole New World"s her to the top of the Empire State Building, Dazzler is enraptured, and it's kissy time.  Just one kiss, though, then Dazzler demands to be taken home, so she can try and figure out what the hell she's doing.

Ultimately, she comes up with the following plan: not tell Ken anything, and jump into Warren's car the next time he comes cruising by.  Nice.  Karma decides to take an interest in all this bullshit (possibly because Alison goes so far as to tell Warren she hopes their upcoming date will be exceptionally expensive, which drained what little sympathy for her I still had).  How do you punish someone for stepping out on their other half?  You throw an insane metal-tentacled super-villain at them!  That's how they roll in New York, my friends.  Oh yes.  Octavius has busted out from a prison truck - "the sweet air of freedom is once again mine to breathe!" - and only Angel and Dazzler can stop him!

Whatever else you want to say about Warren's behaviour this issue, he's still a hero.  He's tearing his clothes off to get to his costume the instant he's stopped the car.  Alison is rather less thrilled about the idea of chasing around a notorious murderer who can grope you to death at twenty paces, and says so.  Why, it's almost as though her fears over how a relationship with a superhero would pan out have come true!  Why, oh why, oh why didn't she just stick with her boyfriend and not tramp around with the rich sex pest?  Hindsight really is 20/20, isn't it?

In fairness, her foresight seems to have finally stepped up to the plate as well, actually, since moments later Doc Ock has come damn close to brutally killing them both (apparently he's a little less forgiving when being pursued, however pretty his shadows).  Working together, our heroes make a come-back and help the authorities re-capture him, but the damage is done.  Alison demands to be taken home, and then kicks Angel to the curb, citing her relationship with Ken, and almost being crushed to death.  She heads to the bathroom, instructing him to be gone by the time she returns.

Warren takes the hint, and slouches off, but not before he finds a letter lying around the flat.  It's from Jessica Drew, who's still searching for Alison's mother in San Francisco.  This gives Angel an idea: if he finds Dazzler's mother for her, he's bound to get a shag.  Quid pro freakin' quo, beetchez!

As Warren flies away, though, someone else is landing.  And if his choice of transport is considerably more orthodox, he himself is decidedly not.  The Absorbing Man is back in New York City, and he's looking for Dazzler...

Clues

This story takes place over four days.

Jessica's letter commits the cardinal sin of including an actual date: March 4^th.  This means we'll have to rearrange the timings for DAZ #14 onwards.  That won't be difficult, actually, just vaguely annoying.  I'll assume that Spider-Woman's letter was written a week after she and Dazzler met, and that it took another week to arrive (she doesn't really strike me as the type to spring for first class mail), and I'll post the revised dates later today.

Alison notes that she's been wearing her mother's brooch for weeks.  She took said item from her father's house in DAZ #13, which we've placed in early February, so that works out.

Date

Friday 11^th to Monday 14^th of March, 1983.

X-Date

X+4Y+344 to X+4Y+347.

Contemporary Events

The brilliantly named First Hawke Ministry is sworn in in Australia, though of course it was only called such after the swearing in of the Second Hawke Ministry a little under two years later.

Standout Line

"You've made a shambles of my relationship with a perfectly nice guy."  Oh, lovely, Daz.  Cheat on your boyfriend and then blame the other guy.  To think that Dr Lovelyknees dumped you because you were so distant and unavailable, when he could have done it because you're a total bitch.

Ultimately Unsettling

Thanks to the Official Marvel Novel Collection series that kicked off again a few months ago after stuttering out last year, I'm finally getting the chance to read some important books from Marvel history that I'd missed the first time around.  Both "Coming Home" (Amazing Spiderman) and "Extremis" (Iron Man) were interesting (though the latter wasn't really up to Ellis' usual standards, I thought), but it's Mark Millar's "Superhuman" (The Ultimates) that left the largest mark. 

A large mark, and a sour taste in the mouth.

Superhuman is strangely-paced, taking too long to get going.  I understand that the book is setting up a new version of one of the most important superhero teams in comic book history, but five issues before anyone really starts throwing punches is taking things too far.  It's also heavy with Millar's usual obvious contempt for everyone and everything, particularly anyone who doesn't just want to fuck girls in between blowing shit up.

That said, neither structure or style is the real  problem here, not in comparison to the real elephant in the room: Mark Millar simply cannot write women characters.

This is hardly an original insight, of course, but it's only now that I have first-hand experience of the phenomenon (Kick-Ass' treatment of women was mainly to leave them out altogether).   Given so much has been said on the matter (indeed, Chris B and I -mainly I - slapped Millar around on similar grounds during one of our Panel Talk podcasts (still available on iTunes!)), and the fact the comic itself is now a decade old, maybe this post is redundant.  On the other hand, it's just been re-released, and who knows how many other people are, like me, coming to this for the first time.

New Mutants #1: "Initiation!"

(Meanwhile, back at the ranch...)

Comments

Before we get down to this issue, it's worth noting how strange the publication schedule for the opening issues of New Mutants seems to be.  This debut issue was published the same month as UXM #167, in which the X-Men finally return home to deal with Professor Xavier's infection by the Brood.  Despite that latter issue wrapping up that storyline, and showing that the New Mutants are all unhurt and unchanged, the Xavier/Brood shenanigans continue for three months here.  I presume there was some kind of delay in getting NMU up and running.

Onto the book itself, and we open on our neophyte heroes watching Shan as Stevie Hunter attempts to re-style her hair.  So an African-American human woman has declared a Vietnamese mutant girl's hair stands out against the cultural grain and needs to be changed, and has let a veritable cornucopia of mutant children watch and make fun.  Which is now being commented on by a white guy.  What a minefield of cultural insensitivity, huh?  And doubtless very confusing for Shan.  No wonder she turned into a lesbian.

(Also, issues of individuality and social pressure aside, if a teacher can't stop her charges from following them into the bathroom, they need to find themselves a new job j. quick.)

Stevie is so intent on playing salon mistress that she fails to take Roberto to task when he starts flirting with Rahne, even though she's well aware that coming on to a exceptionally repressed puritanically-raised girl is like feeding heroin to a rhino - it can't possibly recognise what it is, and it'll be dangerous once it inevitably goes crazy.  I'd suggest Ms Hunter was the worst teacher at the mansion, if Xavier didn't keep getting his students nearly killed, and wasn't about to turn into a giant killer bug.

Anyway, either because Shan is unusually fixated on her past right now (another reason why demanding she change her look might not be the best idea), or because Dani's busy laughing at 'Berto's generally cheesiness, the young Cheyenne accidentally manifests Shan's greatest fear; that she'll relive the horror that killed her parents and cost her her innocence at the hands of pirates, following her family's flight from South Vietnam (interesting that Claremont calls it that, despite Vietnam having been unified almost eight years earlier ).  Shan is incensed, and tries to first murder Dani and then possess Stevie.  Only Roberto physically striking her snaps her out of it.  It is not, as the young Brazilian notes, the most auspicious of beginnings.

Dani wanders through the mansion in something of a daze after the attack, finding first Kitty's room, and then Storm's attic garden.  She spends some time watering the plants (who must be pretty grateful for the attention after all this time), until she and her team-mates are summoned by Xavier.  Their first session in the Danger Room awaits.

Across the pond, Moira MacTaggert, with Illyana in tow, have come to London to visit the Israeli ambassador, Gabrielle Haller.  Clearly, Gaby's made a name for herself after Xavier broke through her post-Holocaust catatonia in UXM #161.  It's not all sunshine and matzoh balls, though - Gaby's son is both autistic and a mutant.  The ambassador thinks the two are linked, and would like Moira to give him the once over.  Moira points out that Xavier would be a more logical choice, but Gaby shoots that idea down in flames: Charles is the boy's father.

Back in Westchester, Shan models her new hair (which I do not like, for what it's worth) and the Professor demonstrates the workings of the Danger Room.  Whilst he's exceptionally clear on the point that the New Mutants will neither replace the X-Men or become superheroes, there's still a need for the team to be able to handle themselves should the worst come to the worst.

The mutant's task is a simple one: make it from one end of the Danger Room to the other.  None of them succeed, but Psyche refuses even to try.  She's gripped by the utter conviction that entering the training simulator will result in her death (Karma's attempt to strangle her mere hours earlier probably hasn't helped her nerves any, either), and she flees the mansion rather than chance her arm.

Wolfsbane finds her first, lazing by the lake and trying very hard not to think about anything in particular.  Rahne is very smart here, actually, responding to Dani's desire to lose her powers entirely by doubling down on her own love of being a wolf, reminding Dani of the bond only the two of them share, and which is only possible because of the Native American's abilities.  That covered, Rahne listens as her friend tells the sad story of her parents' deaths, and Black Eagle's after that. 

Lastly, the younger girl reassures her classmate that Shan is not the sort of person to hold a grudge, or at least not a murderous one.  It's not enough to bring Psyche back yet, but the danger of her fleeing entirely seems to have passed, and Rahne rejoins the others.  Stevie's taking them out for an evening on the town.

Even that isn't liable to go smoothly, though. Stevie's car is being tailed by two shadowy agents, answering to the equally shadowy Agent Gyrich.

While her friends head off for an evening which will surely be eventful in one way or another, Dani returns to the mansion, and to the Danger Room.  This time she screws up her courage, and completes the course, doing what none of her peers could.  Her elation is short-lived, though, as someone knocks her unconscious, and drags her back inside.  When at last she comes to, the program running is most definitely above her pay-grade, and there's something nasty coming out of the jungle that's looking far hungrier than one would want...

Clues

This story takes place over a single day.  We'll assume it beings the day after Sam's arrival - the group's first glimpse of the Danger Room certainly suggests they haven't been around too long.

Date

Wednesday 6^th of July, 1983.

X-Date

X+5Y+97.

Contemporary Events

Catholic zealot and all-around worthless shit Pat Buchanan calls AIDS "God's revenge on homosexuals."  Twenty-nine years later, MSNBC fire him for after (accurately) concluding he's a racist, and the American right goes crazy over his "victimisation."

So, to Pat Buchanan and every one of his defenders: fuck you guys.  Fuck you 'til you bleed out the maggots that have replaced your blood.

Standout Line

"If he reads my mind, I hope my thoughts make hin blush."

I'm a big fan of 13 year old Roberto and his constant horniness.  Who says comics are unrealistic?